A Deep Breath, Because We've Just Started.

Yes, I am making a new entry the next day I did the other one.

One announcement:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG!!!! A WHOLE YEAR HAS PAST!!

I feel so grateful to all the people who have read and commented and just made me feel like this was a good good good idea. And a special thanks to my rad friend, Kimaroo, for helping me make this. Seriously, without her consistent nagging[jking, with chu, Kim!], I would not have done this. Well, not so soon. Maybe started....this year? I dunno. It wouldn't be here. In the now. So, thank you. I totally had to look to see if it really was my one year anny. Would be embarrassing if it wasn't. All happy and excited. :D So, when I dream, I'm very active. I talk and move around. My mom actually caught me singing and laughing at home. Last night was different. I was being chased by black silhouettes that were Frenchmen. I was in the passenger seat and I was rolling up my window and thier hands tried to slink through the closing crack of my window. I tried pushing it out with my hands, but it was slipping through my fingers. I got anxious and I think I either tried again or bit them. They recoiled...I didn't. I bit my hand and broke through the skin.

I. Bit. My. Own. Hand. And. Broke. The. Skin.

So unbelievable; I woke up with a jerk and looked at the damage. Okay, I was more surprised that I actually hurt myself in a dream and it was real than the bite. Wow. It's still sore and it's a small pucker of skin. Healing, though. I'm so bad. I went back to sleep with my hands way out of reach. Real talk. I didn't think my dreams could be dangerous. I know sometimes I have very realistic dreams that feel like it actually happen. But this...nooooo. School = school. I = I.

That songs like a good song title; "I = I, But What Are You?"

kbye!

♥,

Rachel

#36: Trying to keep up, but so so far behind.

Two Toned & Big Boned.

Swing it.

I've found a holy room of Internet. My lobby. So, definitely going to be in here a long time. I don't have to drive anywhere. That I like. No, no, no. Love. So, I guess God helped me because this means I'll be meeting tons more people this way. I prayed for guidance on the whole dorm issue. I haven't been adjusting well. I realized that I don't want to make friends or connect with people for convience sake. I want to really find a friend. Not just because we're neighbors. Of course, I'll be polite. And nice to you. But to share my inner thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears, secrets, and theories? No.

That's not me.

Open your eyessss.

Okay, so I've been seeing a lot of fashion plus size blogs around. I've been lurking. I want to post my outfits that are cute on here. If I remember. Maybe talk about them? I don't know. I have to remember to take pictures. I only have my lowly Blackberry camera. I'm going to finish this entry before my battery dies. Oh believe that.

Day 4. A song that makes you sad.

This shouldn't be hard, but it is. Like all the other days. "This Time Imperfect" by AFI. It is a sorrowful song, but lifted me up at the same time. It told me I wasn't alone in my sadness. In my change. I felt so drawn to this song off of the first AFI album I bought when I was 13. 13!! Ack, so long ago. I related to the whole album, but this song was different. Enough chit-chat. Here it is:

So a look into my inner soul as a 13 year old. Yes. Haha, I still love AFI to this day, and I don't think I would ever stop loving every album they create. This band has been through it all with me. My life wouldn't be the same without listening to them. ♥
What's something you cherish? A song? A object? What? Tell me.

bye for now, friend.

♥,
Rachel

#35: This night has just begun to form around us. Be still and silent.

Punk Playlist.

Go out west where I belong. Where the days are short and the nights are long. ♥

Annnd I Am Back.

Smokin' in the boys' room! Computing in the library!
Hey guys, it's been a while! A lot has gone done in my life like school being very demanding. More than BC, I believe. Right now, at this very moment, I'm at the public library using their wi-fi. As their sign says: "Our wi-fi hotspot." Yep. Getting used to San Angelo. I mean, it's not hectic here so I'm pretty happy most of the time. Last weekend me and some friends went to Austin to the big two story mall there. It was really fun and then we went to UT and got lost a lot. My friend's bf was mad. I can see why. Very hectic, so I drove home and I was really really really tired. What happened to my music challenge?! I'm so ridiculous. I have homework due and errthang. So, I was trying to post on here through my cell phone. Did not work. ~shrug~ I gotta do it the right way. ;) I saw the cutest guy in the Lego store on Saturday, I so wanted to talk to him but I'm sure he gets compliments all the time. He seriously was super handsome. Then, last night I had a dream and the song, "Under The Bridge" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing on my sister's stereo in my dream. I woke up and had to listen to it. So, picture me [naked. Just kidding!] in my bed jamming some RHCP in the morn! Loving it. New ideas in the works, and I need to see someone about my Internet at my dorm. Horrible. Practiced Rivers today at the park and did my finger drills. I so need to get better at finger plucking. Serious. bye bye, friend!

♥♥,
Rachel!

#34: Boyfriend? Mine? Any guy? No? Okay. :[

This Sick Human Creation Is Mine

I will be back soon, guys. No time or enough Internet to create. I know, I know. I've already made this but...what can I say? Look how sad the dog is!!!?

♥♥,
Rachel!

Clap Your Hands. Stomp Your Feet.

I wouldn't say I've stopped writing in my brain.
I would say that I've stopped writing here.
I miss you.
I miss my diary. School has taken hold of me and it's not letting go anytime soon. God is moving faster than tectonic plates. The Earth's crust is gently bending to His will. I can't believe in a month, I've grown spiritually.

In bounds, I feel. :)
That's way more than a smile. I'm leaving for home to pick up my bass. Rivers. ♥ And then, I'm going to see everyone and mom. Of course. I miss Internet and not being able to access it in my own living space. And speaking of space; I miss having my own room. Even sharing it with my sister...was better. I think that I have to get used to very little privacy for a while.
I don't have a job and I want to know if God has something in store for me...I've been getting checks and paying all my bills. I really don't have a need for a job. I just need to pray about a lot of things. Like if I need to do a work in the church I'm going to. Btw, which has humbled me so much. In tears. Literally. I feel like it's a very good church. Bye for now.

♥,
Rachel

#33: Stretching my hands and brain.

T&S

We didn't do it for the money, I don't know why
We didn't do it for the money, I don't care why
You'll go down down down get in my car it's too full
We didn't do it to be happy, so i can whine
You'll go down down down on the outside
Will i grow this out
You think I got my way
We didn't do it for the money, for the last time
You think I got my way, you think I got my way
Get in my car
It's too full.
Get in my car.

As I sit and realize the situation. I know I am alone.

I hope it's not like this always. Forever.

♥,
Rachel!

Momo?

On the library computer. There are two cuuute Asians across the table from me. A girl and a guy. The girl has an oversized scarf on. Kawaii desu ne?!


Tee-he. I'm eating spaghetti tonight and chem let out supah early! Yes and a thousand times yes!!

♥,
Rachel

Is It Okay, To Light My Hand On Fiyah?

Oh my gravy.
It's been too long. At Hastings mooching off their interwebz. I can't figure out why I have such bad fortune at my dorms with the internet service. =/ Only me. Probably because I'm a transfer student.

...

RACISTS!
The barista is playing hardcore music and Rise Against. Good and bad. Their store is so much better than the one back home. Actually... a lot of stuff is better than home. Hastings being one of the many. They have two Wal-Marts! TWO! Both huge! Anyways, I'm so happy because I've found a church and a friend already. She is amazing, I am really blessed to have met her. We hit it off from the first conversation we had. It was really rad. She is really rad. Also, I met this guy down my hall who is 21. Friends. Relate to eachother on totally different levels. It's different in the dorms. I...I don't know. I definitely want an apartment next semester and for the summer. I mean, I am a shy pooper. Not anymore. Any place. Nu-huh. Not too crazy about that. In other news, I have lost 15 pounds since the summer!!! I can't believe it! I used to be 335 and now I am 318. By May I want to be under 300 pounds. Seriously. I am so close! 250? Possible? Heck yes. Just typing that I feel tons better about myself. I knew if I just put mind power to it and God behind me, it can be done and I did it. I can't believe it. Hard work pays off. :)

♥,
Rachel

PS: DEF a lot of cell blogging from now on. I'm not letting Concho get the best of me. ;)

#32: I have conviction, too.

It's Worth Living, Now.

Would I kid you, dear?
The church pews are empty but my tear ducts are not.
I want equilibrium.
Out of this ugly house and into God's heavenly arms.
Not death.
That's too tricky and messy.
Lists, lists, lists, plans.
I make them and break them.
Be still my ever still heart and do my bidding.
This is to the still and quiet who fear that ever omnipresence.
This is to the shadows that I see but don't see.
This is to the blind, the weary, the weak spirited.
Psalm 103:11.
What do we have to fear?
What should we tremble unconsciously behind?
You're offshore waving good-bye.
I'm feeling the wooden pier against my feet.
It hurts, but it's worth it.

I cried while I wrote in my journal.

#31: We're the coolest kids and we take what we can get.

After All Of This, You Still Stay?

I met my room-mate today. She is really nice. She's from a small town like me and loves country music and dogs. Her name is Payton. :) I think we're going to get a long, because we respect each other's privacy [what little we have], and things like that. I should post another music day. I should post what I've been doing. But I'm not. I am just writing who I met today. I saw bits of Nick & Norah in the lobby this afternoon. Good stuff. These guys were wrestling and hit me. Sooooo awkward. Didn't hurt? Yeah! I saw this couple who couldn't stand to be away from each other. Yep, that couple. Does not know when it's okay to do PDA. That wasn't a good time. They were all drama n3rds so I didn't say much about it. One thing about my roomie is that she is a morning person! 6 AM she gets up to get dressed and ready. I can't even imagine doing that again. I did that in 9th grade. Nope. Too old. For waking up that is, just no. Anyways, Payton went to PetCo to get a fish and I saw a glimpse of SA. Pretty exciting. Two Wal-Marts! TWO! Blowing my mind. Target. Get out of here with that! Really stoked!
Woah! The internet is working at full blast! :)

♥,
Rachel

#30: Thank you God, for everything.

San Angelo.

Wow, okay. So I moved up to San Angelo for school. It's been a whirlwind of a week[s]. First, I had a going away dinner and a lot of people came by! So, I totally made it to SA by the grace of God. All of the stuff I got for my dorm was all Him. I didn't have the money to do anything, and God made a way. He's always there helping me and guiding me. My first night here no one was here. It was just me, and it was weird sleeping in a new place. Not my futon. Today I met the girls who share the bathroom! They seem nice. My roomie isn't here yet, but hopefully tomorrow she will be. :) I found all my classes, and they are basically in a square. That's that! I passed by the nursing complex when I was walking, and imagined going there for all classes. A year and a half with summer classes. Wow, I'll be done. I met my neighbor, and he's really nice.

Day 3. A song that makes you happy.

Music makes me happy, but one song that I can pick off my brain is "Go Away" by Eisley. It's a song of sadness, but to me I love it. The voice, the instrumentation, and the words. They all flow and I can't get enough. I listened to it leaving home. I welled up, but I know this is where I should be. I felt so...conflicted at home. Even though I had my friends, it just felt...weirdly depressing. Here, I can clear my head and realize what Rachel wants. Also, grow. I don't mind being away from everyone, I've always kind of alone. Plus, they're always a phone call/facebook/text away. No time to be sad! I'm at ASU!

♥,
Rachel

#29: Awkward. Awkward. Awkward me.