I Guess Second Best Is All I Will Know.

Hey hey!

Guys, it's almost August and I can't be more happy about it. I hate summer. All of it. Especially the weather. It's so hot. I live and sleep near my air conditioner. Sad Rachel :(

Things are going pretty well. As well as I can hope. So, I'm going to be 24 in two months and it's scaring me. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm almost in my mid-twenties. 

I will keep living. That's all I can do. So, I don't know if you have heard of Lookbook but I really like it. I downloaded the app but it was totally busted. Don't download the free app, it is pure crap. There are two ladies that I have bookmarked. They dress so pretty! I want to get my act together. *_* I'm inserting picturessss now:

I have a lot of cool clothes in my closet. I need to find the time to dress up. I really like this site because it does give me inspiration for fashion and ideas. Who says chubby chicks can't dress themselves. ;)  I want to look more my age. Not mature or businesslike, but just not like I started high school. I recently bought some polka-dot tights and they are so cute! I can't wait until fall! :)
I also have a white lace dress, and some tights/stockings. What's upppp. Tights go with everything. 

So, I've joined okcupid. Let me tell you, it's taken up a small portion of my life. And by small I mean medium sized. So many uninteresting guys flooding my profile. I've gotten some messages from guys. They are all not my type, or just creepy.  

Until, this guy. He is everything I want in a dude. Romantic, smart, mannerly, conservative, and is wanting to wait for marriage. Pluses all around! There are really no words on how awesome I feel about it. It's really cool to find someone who have a lot of the same things in common with you. c: 
One thing that I'm concerned is that he is mega self-deprecating. He is apathetic about dating because he hasn't had a legit relationship in a long time, if at all. He is 25 and is feeling bummed.

So, I messaged him last night. I was so nervous!! Like I was going to recite a speech in front of thousands of people. 

So, he hasn't been online since Jan so I pretty much have a 0% chance of him reading my message. I was thinking today that he stopped coming online and actually found a gf in real life. That would actually be good for him. 

We will see.

Struggling through Pride and Predjudice. I think that if I know what happens at the end, I tend to not enjoy the book to the fullest. Also, I watched the movie....so yeah. Honestly, the book is really witty. I like how smart Elizabeth is. She is really cool. 

Have a great week, you! I'm going to go bury myself in my homework!

♥,
Rachel 

Thinking Ahead...

Hey guys!

I made a promise and I'm keeping it.

What's uppppp? So this summer I have two lists. Movies and books. For the past month and a half, I have been in movie overload.

Loving it. I have watched a lot of movies that I've been wanting to see! Now, I am house sitting and last week I started craving books. Maybe because I felt like my brain was melting, but whatevs. I have every type of entertainment you could imagine but what I want is read! Here's my list, guys!

1. Lolita by Vladimir Nobokov
2. It's Kind Of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini
3. Sense And Sensibility by Jane Austen
4. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
5. Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan
6. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
7. The Divine Comedy by Dante
8. The Outcast by Sadie Jones
9. Paper Towns by John Green
10.Moby Dick by Herman Melville
11.Everything Is Illuminated by Safran Foer
12. Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffernegger

Now,  I have Time Traveler's Wife in my possession and I am reading Pride & Prejudice. To tell you the truth, I could not read Jane Austen when I was a teenager. It was like hitting my head against a brick wall. I guess it was the fact of how she wrote; she was very eloquent and I am not. So yeah! Now that I am 23 I am giving it a go. :) Some of these books I've been wanting to read for a very long time. Excited to expand my mind on some classic literature. My friend owns Dante's book. :D I am not saying this will be a race to finish all of these by the end of the summer, but it's definitely a project.

So, I did not include one book on this list:

I finally read it!  I have to say...it's not bad!
Honestly, I thought it was a good book. I felt sorry for Gatsby probably like all the other chicks who read this. Really, I thought how it was written fit the decade the book was in. Very lavish, elaborate, and beautiful. Of course I watched the 2013 version of the movie and in comparison it left a little out. I think that the film took a different direction as far as character attitudes and portrayals. For instance, the narrator, Nick Carraway. I thought in the film, he was a shmuck. I thought he was this naive boy who didn't know what he was doing. In the book, he was pretty innocent but he had his wits about him. He was keen on what was happening and to me, he wasn't always the last person to know the situation.
So  that's always cool. I wish I would have stuck to my rule of reading the book before watching the film, but it was so temptingggg.

Totes.

Another day...today. It's ce weekend and I am with four dogs.

♥

Hey!

I'm coming back for you. I promise. Let me just dust everythinnnng off around here! It feels like I've been gone longer than I have. It's been two whole months kind of!

Summer is torture.

Also, why even did Google Reader go away? That's so so lame! I can't even! I have  new program but it's not the same and I can't really use it how I used Google Reader. All things must come to an end. I watched V For Vendetta tonight and it's got me thinking of all the freedoms we have in America. Would I give them up for security? For stability?

I just don't know. My immediate reaction is no but what if there is a weird circumstance?

Eek.

I watched the movie Bright Star. Well, I've been watching a lot of movies this summer. This one was beautiful. I loved it.  The actor who plays John Keats looks like my teacher who is hot. It's so weird how much they look like each other.

Anyway! I will write soon! :)

♥

None,

That sick stinking smell.
I hate it.
What will we do?
We can't bury ourselves in the abyss.
That's far too close for our loved ones to see.

r e d e m p t i o n.

We must grasp it, love.
Shadows of guilt and disdain can not keep their grip on our lives, on our present selves. That is not fair.

Not. Fair.

This is bigger than the sky, deeper than the deepest ocean metaphor.

Your grip is too tight. 
I can't breathe. 
Or smell.
But I see.
That mysterious, overwhelming...
You are biting down.
& I can't stand that metallic, stinking taste.



I was very thoughtful tonight. Happy Easter, guys. 

How Do You Say Goodbye?

By kicking them flippin' out.

Hey guys! It's been a long time. I promised myself I wouldn't stay up until 3am tonight because Spring Break is officially over and I can't keep up my horrendous sleep sched, but I really felt to write to you. :)

So, my mom is back in San Angelo and I was just totally inconsiderate and played music way too loud. It was the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. She was screeching. Whoops! Sorry, Mom!

We bought some cheap juice at Wal-Mart tonight for a dollar and it ended up tasting like Kool-Aid. No me gusta, :(

Fainting to the point of tears, you were holding on to make a point; what's the point? 

So, I am glad to be back in school, but nowadays I feel so worn down. I'm always going, going, going..

Gone.

Well, I am doing way better in my classes than I thought. I actually got a 100 on my last music exam. Miracle! I did the bonus and earned a lot of points. I think my teacher was just being generous. I can't figure out his sexual orientation and my human instinct to label stuff is going off kilter. Is he gay? Not gay? The first semester I had him, I thought he was! Srrsly. He was say boys are cute in a weird tone and stuff. He didn't give off that gay vibe, but I thought maybe he was hiding it because he goes to church on a reg basis. Maybs..then one day he talked about a past girlfriend. He could have went gay after her?! Madness, I should quit!! Oh! There is this black guy in my class who is nice to me. Which is fine, I'm cool with that. He wore a 'Boys & Girls Club' shirt one day and I think he works there. That makes me want to do this: -__- Hmm. I thought he was being nice because I'm kind of the outcast in class and I never talk to anyone unless I'm called on. Really, I don't because everyone in class are sooo annoying. I mean, voice/music majors who have other classes so they talk about random topics. ANYWAY, long story short, I sprained my ankle, wasn't having a good ay and I snapped at him because I was walking down the stairs and he asked if I sprained my ankle and it clearly wrapped. 

Well, if he had a crush on me or was interested, he's not now! >=)

Sometimes, I have bad days; he will be ok. 

DJing right now! What better time to update you guys. :) I started using Interpals! It's pretty cool. It's a website where you meet people around the world and become penpals! I seriously need some French friends so I can get better. I have to have 4 semesters of a language to graduate. Awful! Why even? I know you have to communicate, but dannnng! I don't want to, but I'm going.

So, my title. Why am I saying that? I a putting in my two week for my job. I wouldn't call it a job. I go in 4 hours a week, and now next week it's just 2. It's not worth driving there. My boss said he wasn't satisfied with the pace I was going because of taxes, so he hired another person on top of his accountant. So he has cut us back to the extreme. No.

That's that. I'm glad I am leaving because I was highly stressed and I don't need that. He is the one who makes all the trouble for himself. I hope he grows up. Not in a cynical way but truthfully. He is totes old and needs to realize some things.

I want a boyfriend. Have I told you guys that? 

As of today, I have lost 11 more pounds so that is pretty flippin' sweet! People have started to notice and I'm okay with that. I am not overjoyed until I reach my personal goal. I have a ways to go but that's okay. I'm willing to go the distance!

DJing is very fun, but sometimes I just want to go home. I work mainly at night but I get so busy and tired I want to collapse. It will be all worth it! If you haven't listened to my show, do it!! Like my Facebook page: DJ Radical Rachel or follow me on Twitter: @onradkid. :) I post a lot of music news and stuff like that! On my fb page are my hours and how you can tune in! Do itttt. I want your feedback on how I'm doing. Yeah!

I was looking through the job bank here at school and there are no good jobs at all. A lot of work for nothing. Smh! Can't do it again.

I hope you guys have an awesome weekend! I know I will. I am going to Big Springs with my church for a youth rally and then Sterling City for a prayer thing. So busy, but I'm glad to be able to go so much. So, tomorrow I register for class! Fingers crossed for my hot teacher helping us!!

♥,
Rachel
 

What's A-Matter Wit Chu?

Hey guys!

Can you believe it's Feb! Woah! Slow on down 2013.  

So, one of theolder guys from church + his friend are working on my car right now. Right. Now. I am so so excited! I totally miss driving and I feel like a burden even though my mom tells me I'm not. Anyway, I'm praying that they get it done today! 

Let's see, this weekend. Went by really fast. The last couple of weeks have been very hard and stressful but I'm keeping the faith. 

I did okay on my oral exam for French. She said I should work on my comprehension. What I'm amazed at is how much I learned in high school French class. I can translate what my teacher says to us by context clues. One or two words out of the sentence and I can figure it out, but I just can't form sentences on my own. Like if I talked to a native French person. I would be all over the place. My teacher I have to work on that. Glad it's over for now! I am so happy that I'm advancing in this class because it's intensive. I'm learning a lot in a short amount of time. It's totally insane, but I have to do it.

T___T

This week will be great. In Jesus Name! I just went extra Christian on you! ;D

Anyway, Jim Gaffigan has a new CD/show out on Netflix. Heavenly! He's also coming out with a book in the spring. Extra points!!

Dad Is Fat.

Love it. Love you! How about I end with 10 random facts about me?

1. I love dark blue. It's been my fave color since I was a child.

2. I want to travel to France. I am so fascinated with that country! I don't care how snobby they are or they seem to be, if you give a person respect you'll get respect most of the time. 

3. Music. I'm lovin' it. 

4. I have only received 2 decent mix-tapes in the past several years and that makes me frustrated. Like, seriously? All crap? Not okay at all. 

5. I love stars and watching them. I love the city but I will miss seeing them.

6. I want to meet Johnny Depp. For real. Touch his face or whatever.

7. I am selective about many things and the more I grow up the more I realize this.

8. It takes a lot to make me mad. My thresh hold is very low, but it doesn't take much for me to just walk away. 

9. I am currently obsessed with fashion Youtubers and I want a lot of things I don't need. 

10. I would be nothing without God. 

:)

Have a great day!

♥,
Rachel!             

Hold My Hand.

A lot visitors to my blog! Yay! Heck yes! How cute is this song?



Precious! I love the 50's vibe. I saw them at kthru fest a while back and the lead singer said that this song was inspired by Buddy Holly! Totes can tell. Just, so adorable. I can't stop listening. On the video I think there is a link for a free download of their album or a couple of songs off their LP! That's an investment. Now, I ended up really liking them. To be honestttt, I saw them because Michael Cera was helping out with by playing bass for them. And they were at a fest playing for free. So, you know I was there! Magical night.
I got lost with my friend in Rice University for almost two hours after the show.  C'est la vie!

So, I have a two disc set of Buddy Holly rarities. Just all gold. There is even a song on there from when he was a kid! "Two Timin' Woman"! What do you even know about women at 13, Buddy! Get out. So cute. Sidenote: the weather here has been so bipolar. Warm one day and then blistering cold the next. No wonder people have the flu here. Ridiculous. It's hold then cold, yes and then no. So this week has been kind of a bummer. I don't have a car right now because the starter in it needs to be replaced so my friends from church have been giving me rides. Thank. God. Monday I walked to school and it took me like an hour. It's not even that far, but it is on foot! I have a cruiser but the tires are flat and my pump doesn't work. :( So, I needed a back up plan. My church is such a blessing. My friends who aren't in church with me are too. So happy to know them. So, a few days until we're off the Daniel's Fast!!! Confetti. Everywhere! I want to throw an anti-Daniel's Fast dinner! Totally. Excited about that. Work is so-so. I'm going to keep working hard and doing my best with the time I have. I don't work a lot of hours but when I'm in the office, I try to be efficient. 

My car is fixed!!! Thank you Jesus! The mechanic said it was the battery. He just charged it and it started right up. So glad not to be bumming rides everywhere! Feels great! I just want to shout it from the rooftops!

God is so good, guys. Yes. :)

I'm glad to see this week go. I'm ready for the weekend. I haven't DJed and I feel it. I miss it. 
I can't wait to do that for a full-time job.  Heck yes!

I finally found that you're on my side.

Secret time: I've been writing this and thinking about this entry all day. I am going to publish it before midnight. Du soir. Watch me. 

I'm going to get that 2nd 8track playlist out there for you! Give me a hot minute!

S'laters,
Rachel

I'm Near Throwing In The Towel.

Ugh.

I feel horrible today.

Le crap. Crrrrap. I have school and work today and then church.
Even though I am not feeling well, I'm blessed.
I am so happy that it's pay week. :) I had a meeting with my French teacher and she is impressed at how well I'm doing and everyone in class. Je suis dou Brazoria, Texas. I miss music that's not Christian. Can I say that? Just did. I was skipping through a CD I made for my car and I heard Buddy Holly and my face literally looked like this: D:

!!

Buddy! Miss you. After a while, contemporary Christian stuff blurs together. One big live blob. MY question is how does so many people know the songs? Especially on a new CD. Every word. Really? Weird. I mean, I guess they sung it at church and all of those people have heard it before.

Possible.

One song that I really enjoy is "Crows & Locusts" by Brooke Fraser. Now that song is very powerful and ethereal. Very beautiful. Also, "From  The Inside Out" by Hillsong United. Moving. Love it. So, this is left field but this girl. This. Girl. She is so sweet and she is the youngest sister of the girls and guy of Eisley. She has a band with her younger brother called Merriment. You should definitely check them out if you're into twee-pop and indie music. Her last entry on her blog was about how she and her boyfriend, Reed got together. Such a cute story! Read that when you can. He is one of a kind. I can't think of one guy I know off the top of my head who would do what he did. It wasn't even a grand gesture, it was just...different. I think that guys like that are so rare. Plus he is hot. I like how clean cut he is. The last Eisley show I went to, his old band was opening and I kept looking at him on the drums! Telling my sister that he was hot! My goodness. ;) Anyway, check their music out. Eisley and all of the side bands recently did a Christmas album! And it's a free download! Heck yes!
Free music is always a good thing. Their family seems so happy. I am happy because they are happy, hahaha.
So, I didn't get to post this, but I've lost more weight! I think 8 more lbs! HOORAH!! :D Excited about that!! Now, I don't feel lighter or anything, but I finally bought a scale to see for sure. 
8 more lbs. Insane. My sister and I are doing a sibling challenge. I was talking with her last night and she said I was going to beat because she has been eating like a pig. Hahaha, I don't know about that, but I'm excited to see where I end up. That's for sure. 

"It takes more than luck to find a love like that."

 

♥,

Rachel

Let Me Be Free!

"I love you, but I shouldn't have married you."

What's going on, guys? Another week gone and it's almost Feb. Crazy. I hope your week was splendid. Mine was good I guess. :) You know what's annoying? My computer screen. It bled right where I type. I can never fully see what I'm typing until the very end. Church was good tonight. One of the younger guys preached and he said something that really caught my attention. "All of your worries, stresses, and everything out there should not come in here. THIS place is a place of worship."

It's so true. 

I mean, I was really concerned about my job, because of this and that. Normal thoughts, I guess. I just want to be the best I can be and be productive. No wasted time...if I can help it. 
Tonight wasn't the right time or place for that. I want to give it all to the Lord. He is the one who takes care of me. Really and truly. All I'm doing is making myself sick.
I want to worry less this year. My mom says worrying ties God's hands. I don't want to do that. I want Him to bless me and know that I have trust and faith. That these petty events in life don't really matter. You have someone who sticks closer than a brother. I'm ready to intern! I hope my teacher emails me back soon! Let's get this show on the road. I seriously can't wait to start DJing for real. Making a lot of 'I' statements right now. Not trying to, but you know...

So, I want to make a 2013 bucket list. A lot of the things I wrote last year and the year before still counts but I want to add more substantial things. I'm older and my bucket list is too.

a. fall in love with the right person
b. travel. anywhere. take that opportunity. 
c. take a hot air balloon ride
d. perform somewhere.
e. spend a week doing something kind for someone else
f. go to more concerts
g. worry less about the small things.

h. get to know an acquaintance better. 
i. appreciate my loved ones more. 
j. stop and smell the flowers 

Just a few things I want to do this year. That love one always will be the same. I still want that badly. I don't want to be a cat lady or a spinster. I want a love that transcends time. A lover that sees me as I am and wants the best for me. Spiritually and literally. Heh hehhhh heh! Yeah~!
Getting it. No jk, I just spent 15 minutes looking up people who look like the guy I have a semi-crush on. I actually had poetry class with him and I doubt I will see him again.

C'est la vie. In French class! It's intensive and I have every day. I love it, though. This is how French should be taught! It was such a joke in high school. All languages were. High school doesn't prepare you for anything. not my small school, anyone. Maybe if you went to a rich prep school in New York or something. Other than that, you are pushed into the pool of sharks. Fending for yourself. So, I am doing a radio internship, and I have a fb page! I hope you guys can go like it! I post stuff on there and I will be updating when I will be on air. Soon so keep a look out! :D Also, do you have 8tracks? I do! dj_rad. Follow me!! :) I am going to uploading a new playlist soonskis. Watch for that, too! If you have requests/questions, you can comment here or on my fb page.

Drop me a line!

I think that's it for now. Oh, I was thinking about how I come across to people and at times people can't read me. I feel like I am selective about facets of my personality. Like being vulnerable; sometimes I choose who I want to let see my real self/feelings. It's not that I am afraid to let people in, it's that some people shouldn't be in. That's it for now!

I want to do this so bad. 

 

♥,

Rachel!     

Secrets Are Best Left Unkept.

Well, hello

2 posts in one month! That's surprising. No. So, my boss has been out of the office and it's weird. I mean he gives me some alone time to get used to the office and the way everything works, but...

I need help. I've only been working there for 3 weeks and I still need someone to hold my hand. I feel like I am last on his priorities. For example, I needed a work schedule that correlates to my school schedule. I gave him my school sched on the first interview. He never made a schedule, I had to make one myself. He said it was alright for the week. Just...not trying to be a brat, but I don't want to be last. I just need him to prioritize. And realize some things.

I hope you're well. :) 

So, great great news. I am interning for the radio at school and I started today. It's so wonderful to dj. To talk about music all night. Dream job! I also am going to be submitting broadcasts to NPR! It's stationed in Lubbock and weekly, my teacher will be submitting DVDs of me on the radio and also interviews. So! If you want, you totally tune in here. You just need a media player like iTunes or Windows Media. :) I would love to hear from you! I will be taking music requests and also just saying hello to you lovely people. So drop in and say hello! We are an online radio station so anyone anywhere can listen. I leaned toward this type of radio station because it gives you more freedom and a broader audience. I know a guy who is djing at  one of the local stations and he is forced to play what's top 40. I don't even listen to current pop music that much, so that would be a big bummer. I am also going to be interviewing local artists in SA and in Texas to just get their names out. I want to interview and ask this band to perform live or on Skype. They are so rad and really talented. :D My dj name is DJ Radical Rachel and you can like me on Facebook! I have a page where I will be updating with some music news, and more cool things. Page name = my dj name. 

I thank God for showing me that happiness comes when you need it most. I feel so blessed and honored to be in the place I am right now. I never would have thought that I would be here. Clutching my dreams so tightly. Doing what I love. I love this! 

There's something in the water.

So, my church is starting the Daniel's Fast again. It started today and I have been doing my best but there is red tape for me.

So, I am a non-Christian DJ and I start today. Such a fail because I need to arrange playlists and things like that. I will be with everyone else in spirit! I am looking forward to the next 3 weeks. I mean, I want to hear from God. I need Him in my life and I will do what it takes to get to that place where I am surrounded by His light. Last night, I...I don't know how to put into words what happened. I went to a deeper place with God. A girl from one of the sister churches came up to me at the end of service and asked one simple question: "Will you pray with me?"
So we got on our knees. Side by side. I started and I felt so heavy. My heart was so full. I just started crying out. Like a child. Crying. Grasping for the Lord. I prayed for the girl and she almost received the Holy Ghost which is so awesome. Totally needed that! So did the girl. There is a desperation in my spirit. I am tired of doing the norm. Day after day.

I want to be on fire for God.

I know I said that last year, but it feels closer. There is an urgency in this hour. 2013. 
Here we are! :D

Let's see. Things are going to change for me personally. I want to stop being that girl.
"That" girl. No more. I'm not just a fat chick. I can't change people but I can change myself. And my mindset.

You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of the dust. 

I'm taking French! And it's intensive so I go to class today. Okay, today I met my teacher. She is intense but I expected that because when I talked to her in her office she was so into it. Soooo much so. Level 10. 
I'm ready. I need to get this done and over with. 

Btw...

I only have one year left of school. Then Austin. Then...my future. I can't believe I've been in this town for two years. It feels it but it doesn't. I think it's time. I will miss my church so much. So so much, but I can always visit. Teehehe!

This year is going to fly by just like the others! Eeek. I have some more things to add to my bucket list. More later! :)

♥,
Rachel 

PS: GO AND LIKE MY FB PAGE!!! DJ RADICAL RACHEL! :) Follow me on Twitter, too! @oneradkid.

All over. I post playlists on each and ask for song requests and tell you when I will be broadcasting!
Also, here is the link again for actually listening to the radio. 

PPS: It's so cold outside!! How do you do it, Magi??