& I...Felt Love Again.

Hello ladies  and gents! What's upppp!!?

Hot mess in that video! I'm sorry it's sideways. =/

Anyway! So, first thing, glowpinkstah. Her name is Gloria and she is sooo awesome! Hot boyfriend, too! She's more on the chubby side and she still snagged her a handsome boyfriend who is crazy about her. It gives me hope; it lets me know that the world isn't as small as I had thought. Also, that nothing is impossible! If you want it, it's out there for you!

Her boyfriend is mega hotttt. Just throwing that out there. Again. :D

Moving on, my Mum decided to start cutting back with food! She wants to eat more healthy because her doctor wanted her to lose a few pounds. So! I totes support her  on this, but earlier this year we were on the Daniel's Fast and she wanted to use that. Also, she told me that I was doing this fast again with her. I told her straight up no. She never asked me or even mentioned it until she was ready to start. Daniel's F = strict vegan diet consisting of only vegetables, broth, grains, and water. 

aka HARDEST THING EVER.

Our pastor had said specifically that it wasn't for dieting purposes only spiritual. You know if you are seeking the Lord and trying to get closer to Him. I explained that to her and she was like, "I want to do that, too!" I also explained this means no meat and she wasn't having it. Wanted meat anyways! Not on the DF! :<

I am not 14; don't tell me I'm going to do something and you haven't talked to me. I flat out refused to do the DF with her because I'm not doing it for the right reasons. I told her I will cut out junk food, soda, and fatty foods but I'm not going full on vegan. Also, I want to diet when I'm ready. It doesn't work if you're doing it for someone else. I told her one of my most hidden secrets: I want to be okay with Rachel on the inside before I change the outside. I've had low self-esteem and I didn't care about myself. Not to suicide, but just I felt..like a loser. Haha, and I don't want to go back to that place. That feeling of sadness. I am getting over myself. I am trying to like the lady staring back at me in the mirror. I know I've come a substantial way because I used to hate mirrors, or anything that I saw my reflection in. I hated pictures.  I hated anything where you could see the outside me. Now, I'm okay. I am okay with being...me. :) Finally! It took me forevs! Anyway, I tried  losing weight and I did it in 2010ish! I still felt dissatisfied. I didn't like myself anymore than before the weight was on my body. I def want to do this right this time. I've known close friends who are beautiful self-mutilate and hate their bodies. They were slender and curvy and were so pretty. They hated themselves. Hated. Not even disliked. I'm not going to do anything close to that but I want to be right inside before I start working on the outside. :) 

My sister & I might be going tooooo....CALIFORNIA!!!

Californiaaaaa, californiaaaa, here we commmmeee!

Yes! Way way excited because I've always wanted to go to LA and see everything. Experience a new place. Everything is coming together right now, but I sincerely hope this trip happens! EXCITEDDD!

I haven't been on a real vacay in a lonnnng time. I might have to say way back when I was jr. high and we went Palacios.

Crazy how time flies. 

My hair is falling out. :( This makes me sad because I have no clue why it's falling out.  It just did. My mom thought I had cut it. Anyway so I'm pledging to not comb/brush/perm it until next year. I have to get it healthy! I'm shedding like crazy and that worries me because I don't have much in the first place. I have coarse hair and it always has a way of bouncing back from anything. Truth. One chunk of hair on the side of my head is longer than all the rest so I look retarded. 

smh.

So, all I'm going to do is moisturize it and wash it and see what happens.  I've done something similar before last year and it helped a lot. I just want results and long hair.

I do, I do, I doooo! Long entry this is.

I'm not under any stress so that's a big factor not in this shedding business. =/ We will see what happens. I just want God to help me. 

Summer is almost over and I couldn't be more happier. Come onnnn, fall.

♥ always,

Rachel!

now that you're home, won't you rescue me?

God, i can see.