I Tend To Give A Care.

Hello everyone. It's a new year. A time to celebrate. I'm sorry I've been so distant and far away. I mean, life has really kicked this butt. Right here. Mine. Don't you love all of my fragments? ;)

Anyway, I have a job now! Thank you, Lord. I think as a whole I was just waiting it out. So many apps submitted and not one call back or email. Nothing, and I even asked a lady who works at a business that helps find you jobs and she said my last one is entry level. Employers don't care if you get fired from that. So I basically worked at Mickey D's for 6 months.

Hooray!

Ooh, once you start getting into writing, you can't stop until those thoughts are down. I feel like I'm emotionally ralphing on all of my readers right now. I don't mean to, but I want to be very honest. This is "Bare Bones". I am a personal/office assistant. First, I want to give props to the poeple who are PA's for years and years. It's HARD...not to slap the person who is your boss. Mine is eccentric. Business owner. Old but thinks he is waay younger. He isn't a hard person to get a long with but I think I need more time to get to know him.
We will see. I worked 105 hours in two weeks and I felt it before I left. I did.
I left after that to go to Atlanta! Passion Conference! My friend talked me into it. I wasn't going to go, but I'm so glad I did. I really am. From my hometown, it's 12 hrs straight there. 2 other girls went with us. One was my sister's friend/high school bandmate who was living back at home.
To me, Atl reminds me of a a grandma's house. Like, I'm going through the woods to grandma's house and eating home cooked dinner and sugar cookies. Or some other...decadent dessert. There are nice tall, skinny trees all around and you can tell it was winter. It looked like fall in a magazine or something. I still have my wristband on from the conference. Heh hehhhehe heh.
Heh.
So, it was in the Georgia Dome which was a maze. A MAZE I tell you. 60 thousand people in there. Three days full of worship and speaking. I think my favorite speaker was Francis Chan because he stuck to his guns. I really felt like I got something out of what he was talking about. He also seems to be going deeper in his relationship with the Lord. I want that. One of my desires for my spiritual walk to go deeper and more in depth. I want the Lord to direct my path 100 percent. All Him. I still need to read Crazy Love. Not enough hours in the day. Louie Giglio and his wife pastor Passion Church in Atl, and they started this whole conference and he preached on the last day about the will of God which I needed to hear. There are so many people who just want to go out and make a name for themselves in the Christian community and it's the wrong spirit behind it. It's not led by God and it sucks. Literally. Get it together, kids. So, that was wonderful. We just went to the main sessions but there were small group sessions where you meet people and you get to talk about each service and stuff. We went to one, and then we couldn't go back because of time conflicts. I think that if we stayed at a closer motel, it would be possible but it was too much. The conference was all day. 9am-10:30pm. Just...crazy. Besides Francis and I really enjoyed the concert part. Worship. ;) We saw Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman,  LaCrae, Christy Nockels, David Crowder, Jesus Culture, Hot Spanish Guy Who Can Sing/Play Guitar & Who Looks Like My Old Friend's Bro, and Charlie Hall. I would love to see Hillsong. If they book them, I'm going for sure.

Charlie Hall covered "Manifesto" originally by The City Harmonic. So good. He did a great job!

So, while I was in Hotlanta, I got to meet a friend of mine! We met on Facebook when I was in high school and he lives right outside of Atl. So, he came to our motel and I met him and we went downtown to watch the peach drop at midnight on New Year's! It was so great to see him in person. Breathing and staring at me. That's one thing I can mark off my list! I've always wanted to meet him and hang. I definitely want him in Tejas real soon.  ^_____^ 

It's surreal meeting someone you've known for years. For me, I feel like it's another step into a relationship. It's crazy. He's so petite! A smaller foot than me! lol, I can't believe it. And he licks his CDs to make them work. Real vomit coming out of my mouth. So gross! X(

Anyway, we made it home real late, and I was so happy to see Texas. I so appreciate my state when I'm away from it. There was even a state trooper in Orange.

The stars at night are big and bright...

So, I go back to work tomorrow and I start school on Monday. My friend asked me when I was writing next two days ago and here I am. 
Writing to you. I love this feeling of...letting it go.
I think everyone needs to feel this...feel. Hahaha, to let go and breathe.

God is all around us. One last thing: I'm in love with Bad Books. It's Manchester Orchestra with Kevin Devine. Beautiful. I've been hooked on the linked song below. They just came out with a new album and I can't wait to play it in the sanctity of my own home.

Eeee, excited. It took me forever to give it a try. I don't like Kevin's solo stuff so I was hesistant, but I finally gave it listen.



Never looking back. One more last last thing! I love this movie. I am buying it soon!

-whistle- Click, click.

Love you more than you know,
Rachel!


PS: Happy 2013. Make the best out of it. I know I will. <3 br="br">

Huzzah! <----Kind Of Lame. =/

Heeeeeeeeeeeey beautiful.

So, today is my first day of the Thanksgiving holiday. Really excited. I'm not  doing anymore work except for my meeting today for my group poem.

I'm done, son!

I was just thinking, [this may be a bit gross for everyone but...just...don't read this entry! I am and ADULT!] but like when I'm married situations like mixed bathing would probs happen. 

Aside from the sex aspect, I think it would be relaxing and ideal for you and your wife/husband to talk about anything and just..bond. I want to try that. It just seems like a way to really connect with the love of your life. To me, I think bonding is so important. In the dating stage, in the engaged part, and in marriage. You're going to be with them for the rest of time until you die and your bones turn into dust, right?

So rite.

Anyway, I wanted to share that thought because it randomly ran across my mind and the lonely monster is creeping up.

Think about it. In my hometown, chicks my age have two kids by now. It's insane. I don't want to be in that position at all, but yeah. Wow. I'm only 23. I couldn't imagine having two kids and trying to keep up with them. No.

Too selfish. It's weird because people always say I should work with children or be a mother.

....do you know me? lol, not even. 

Church tonight instead of tomorrow! That's what's up! 

Handling it. We are leaving to go home this time around! I'm uber excited about it. It will be great to get away from San Angelo. Just for a long weekend. I mean, I have been swamped with school work and I really don't take time to leave. Even Austin: I never visit my sister anymore and you guys know how much I love that place. I write about it all the time! ;)

Eekarama

Hey. Hey!

I just finished a presentation and I am nervous still.

So nervous that I am writing a blog entry from all my energy.

Eeeek.

I bombed it, but I know I will pass. 

That's for sure.

I'm almost out of school for the semester and I desperately want to start writing again. During the break, I am going to be here more. 

<3 font="font">

?

I wish I wasn't so busy. So I could update you.

Poetry class is going okay; we are doing a group poem soon. I am so itchy and nervous.

3 boys and me. Arghhh! 

We are meeting today because we have to have a poem written by Thursday.

Real quick.

A girl from class really liked my poetry. Here's one I performed in class: 

You Put The “Bad” In Bad Music

I don’t think this is going to work.
Not for me.
You can’t wear JNCO jeans in 2012.
You just...can’t.
Or bondage pants.
Or anything on your body...right now.
No! I don’t want another mixtape!
Why is there so much Nickleback and Insane Clown Posse on the first one?!
I don’t even...there are no words to describe how awful that is.
How can your top five favorite bands be all nu-metal?!!
Your bedroom [at your mom’s house!], looks like a high 15 year old decorated it.
No, that doesn’t mean I want to hang out in there!
Fedoras should only be worn in movies like Casablanca.
You look like a creeper who may or may not have a white unmarked van with a bunch of rope in the back.
I don’t want your KD Lang record.
I don’t want your Kate Bush record.
And I definitely don’t want your Melissa Etheridge record.
Let’s face it...I know you think I am whimsical or whatever, but...
you’re like the sad accountant who plays bass solos at jazz night.
you’re like that CD that is less than five dollars on the clearance rack--
you.
You...
put the bad in bad music.

So yeah, I hope you like it. I just presented my project for church. I hope people liked it. I don't care as long as I pass! Goodness.

Right now, there is a girl presenting that has a voice over that is mumbly. I feel bad for her. Pity!

Anyway. this day passed by so quick and I know this week will too.

 Bad timing: today in class, a guy wore a Fedora hat, fingerless black gloves, and a black trench to class. No sir!

Later skaters!  ™ SEO

Rachel! 

Together! Forever!

Hey hey heyyyyyy!

So, this week is flying by and today we had to recite our poems, and when I finally mustered up the courage to volunteer, the class was over. =// Thursday fer sure! 

In my other class, I had accidentally missed the midterm! The one day I wasn't in class, we have a test! WTC!?! So, my teacher had mercy on me and let me take it today. I am going to be docked 20 points, but hey! A low grade is better than a zero, amirite?! 

So right.

This was a draft but I'm remedying that now. I did my poem and I actually feel okay with my performance! 

The assistant just said that I should laugh at my own jokes which I am horrible at.

I'm trying to work on not being such a goofball. This weekend was ridiculous, because I did absolutely nothing but clean up a bit. I went through my old mix CDs and laughed. Oh wow. 

Anyway, I was one weird kid. My hot poetry teacher liked my new poem and the metaphors. Also, I made a higher grade on this project that I did in Visual Comm. I seriously thought I was going to fail. My teacher is super nice but she doesn't talk about what she wants us to do. At all. She also throws in random instructions in the middle of a project. We will see how this last thing will go.

Bye!

♥,
Rachel     

My 200th Post! I Made It, Baby!

When  the dark flood came, we wrapped ourselves in a dirty blanket, deciding different opinion on whether we should move.

So, it's my 200th post!!

Still stressed. That hasn't changed. I think that even though my classes are easier, that is made up in projects and assignments. 

So many to do in a short amount of time.

Can I tell you a story? My dear audience?

Every M/W/F morning I go through the student center to get to my intro to r/tv/f class. Earlier this year I saw this...guy who takes classes in the music hall. He looks like a hipster I guess. Clubmaster frames with rolled up jeans and brown loafers. Hair is cut short into a 50's style and he is handsome. Seriously. Not hot; handsome. I saw him in the summer and I thought he was the bee's knees. And then I didn't see him. Well, this fall he goes the same way as me every M/W/F. He holds the door open for me, I say thank you, and we walk into the music hall almost at the same time. And then we go our separate ways. 
That's it.
Mid week, I was running late. Ugh, just so...late. So, I walk into the student center.

He was standing in the middle of the walk-way in mid step. Looking back.

He looked like he was waiting for something.

I had a feeling it was me. He was waiting for me. For our casual encounter. I remember once he was walking by me and I didn't even notice until I heard footsteps that weren't mine. 

Do you believe in fate?

I do. I am starting to really believe. I know God gives us chances and people to meet.
I could def be friends with him. I saw him walking with a girl real close, so I'm guessing that's his gf. Which is awesome! :) We will see. I haven't said anything to him at all.

Speaking of, a lot of my classmates have the same schedule as me. A guy in my poetry class has the same class and this morning he was like, "HAY BOO!!"

So random, and funny! It turns out that he is a comedian and stuff.

Tell me am I right to think that there is nothing better. Than you being my wife and growing old together.

I think my way of talking with guys on all levels is improving as I get older. When I was younger, I was terrible at it. I had 2 or 3 close guy friends and then everyone else were girls. I grew up with girls, so it's easy to talk to them. But I mean, I want guy friends, too. There are really cool guys out there! Real talk. Not a riot grrrl or femi-nazi, but I knew I needed to reach out. 

Somehow. Someway.

I still think my poetry teacher is hot. I think he always will be. I mean, I got over the thought of him smoking cigs real quick! Cancer is imminent. for him. He did say he was trying to quit, but I mean how many smokers say that?

Everyone of them excluding Joan Rivers!

=/ Oh well. He is nice to look at and I'm glad he is my teacher for the second time. 

I am seeing progress on my body with this weight loss thing. My Tegan&Sara shirt used to not fit on my arms. The underarm seam would stop on my arm fat. No jk.

No, I wore it yesterday, and the seam is stopping where it should be. 

:)

I am going to keep forward. I want to see significant loss. I really want to be healthier. A couple of months ago I took my blood sugar and it was 300.

3-0-0. I was shocked. This was taken after I ate stuff but still. It shouldn't be that high. I then knew it was time to do something.
I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, it's just that it was a big reality check for me. I can't just treat my body like a human dumpster. It needs nutrients. It needs healthy things. Our parents were right. I want to try and eat/do better. For me. For Rachel. This time there isn't a boy that I am in love with or crushing hard on. I'm tired of pleasing everyone else. That doesn't matter in everyday life. It just doesn't for me. The only being I want to please is God. He. Matters. This is going to me. So, cheers. Also, I feel like my self-esteem is higher. Higher than ever. I know it's because I am older. Wiser. Stronger. I see things a bit different. I see beyond the interactions of people.

It's weird, but when I pray for people at my church or whatevs, my heart gets heavy.

So heavy with their burdens that life gives them. I wish that all of the people I prayed with knew to just surrender to the Lord. Or at least asked Him to help carry the load. It's very simple, but I know for some it's a hard thing to say. 
God helps you with that! Yes! Ex-introvert over here!

"Better out than in, I always say." - Shrek

So, this week has been stressful all the way around. There is this dude in the youth group at church. He has a big family; 5 sisters. Only son. He told me last Sunday that he had an argument with his dad and he kicked him out. Wednesday, he was still not allowed at his house. So that all happened, and I got my pastor involved and he ended up going home with his mom. What I don't understand is that he only let me know. The pastor knew about the family problem, but not the kid. He was 16. A kid. Sleeping in his truck and going to school. God can just use you in interesting ways. Like, no one knew. His teachers, friends, and who ever else.

Crazy. I'm glad he is home. :)

Oh WOW! WOOOOOOOOW! It's my 200th post!! I can't believe I've stuck in there this long! Two years! Two HUNDRED POSTS!! :D

Geeeeeeez, Louise! I'm pretty proud of this blog!!

Thank you for commenting. Thank you for reading. I appreciate all of it! It's a great feeling to know that there are people who enjoy knowing about your life.

A very nice feeling. :) Today is Saturday and I'm going to catch up on my homework and polish off my poem for next week.

We have to recite it starting Tuesday. Eeeeek. I'm not as nervy about this round like the first one. I think it's because I am doing original work and it's easy to remember. And it's my classmates. Just them.

Okay, s'laters!

♥ always,
Rachel.

Thoughts.

All majors come with stresses. I need to remember that.

While I was getting into the elevator, this freshmen boy [who, by the way he was acting, probs had a mental disorder] thought I was a mom checking out the campus.

Cardigans aren't just for old people, little one.

Also, he talked way too loud for two people in a small box. Just...too loud. Louder than me, and that's hard to do. ;)

I feel so worn out and it's only Tuesday. 

I am getting into Bad Religion. A lot. They have tight harmonies and even tighter lyrics. I had a handful of songs from them, but now I want to buy their CDs. And records. And mp3's. Whatever.

I still believe in concrete media! Down with the system!

No, jk.

Cheers to your week going awesome.

♥,

Rachel

Dreams Mean Something.

Hello everyone.

Doesn't my entry title seem legit. So legit.

In the library with a lot of time to waste. My school decided to have a mandatory meeting for music majors&minors.

I love being here more than I have to. Mmm, mmm! :)

No, so how is everyone doing? Today, I had a music test and I did the review for it; 25% of what I did was on that test. The rest was from left field. Just...! You can't do that, teacher! Hopefully I pass.

My friend said we should drop everything and be comedians. So funny! I so remember being like 19 and my little sister saying, "Do you know that you're funny?"

It makes me giggle a bit now! Heheheee, nope! Nooo I never thought I was that funny. Other people do, which I believe is what you want.

So, I have a Performance Studies class and my teacher is hot. I would post a picture but who knows if he Googles his students? Probably! Anyway, he nick is He Who Shall Not Be Named, or HWSNBN.

So, HWSNBN asked us to write something we have never told our parents.

Me. If I'm going to swim, I jump in cannon ball style.

I wrote (& shared!) that I burned a house when I was 7.
I still regret sharing and it's almost Thursday. =/ Oh well! Water under the bridge now!

Gosh, I would like mention something pertaining to my title...but you know me. Off the wall like MJ. I always have vivid dreams. In color. I wish I could read people's mail with my dreams! That would be sickkkk. ;)

I am so lame, I am so loving Youtube videos. Like, fashion people like this & this. I can't help myself. They are legit. Very entertaining and informative! Yes! Next, I have been deleting music off my iTouch. Like...emo-ish, bizarre music. Out with the old.

♥,
Rachel

Litte Ghost, Little Ghost.

So, I am in Austin right now. I am content. Also, I have to try to memorize a poem for my performance class. Goodness. I have a terrible memory. This blog entry is already conceited. ;)

I watched ParaNorman with my mom at the theater and "Little Ghost" by the White Stripes was the song playing in the end credits. I was beyond suprised/delighted. There is so much to do here. I am in love with this city. BAM! I just confessed my love.

Anyway, I wanted to do a little update because it has been on my mind. I don't want to be a ghost blogger. Writing here or there. I want to have a stable writing...schedule.

I have a few projects to do, and I don't feel overly stressed. I am anxious but that's normal for any student, I think.

Also, my random neighbor is a DJ for Sonic Radio and said I should go in and do a voice test! What! Excited! :) I def will! I just never thought that it would be this easy to find people who are in the industry! Sonic or not. Hahaha. Ahhhh, yes.

Connections are always good.

In my Performance Studies class, I have to recite poetry today. I was befuddled and my stomach was in knots. But not now.

I flippin' worked on it for 4ish days. I'm not going to mess up.  Real talk, I am not getting a single word wrong.

It's like I am writing in real time. So many updates. Okay, so I choked. I really messed up. I went up there and all the things I memorized left my mind. I went almost blank. I am so mad at myself! Really?! I recorded the poem and put it on my iPod. T________T 

I just..I don't know. I don't get how actors do it. With theater, you have to know who is talking to you and stuff.

I want to do better next time. I reallyyyy.....do.

Ugh, so anyways, I found this rad lounge cover band that is French! Their name is Nouvelle Vague, and they cover random stuff! I love it. I have their version of  "God Save The Queen" by The Sex Pistols. So gnarly. I downloaded their whole discog, but it wasn't what I had...hoped.

23. Wow. I can't believe I have been on Earth this long.

Still looking like I'm 17. Goodness.

What is funny is that I visited my sister's church and everyone was asking if I was younger. I had on age appropiate clothes. Lea thought it was my skirt but I don't think so! Looking too young!

Benjamin Button! 

Yeah riighhht. 

Lea is pretty mature for her age, but I don't think she looks old.

Nah, bro.

This week flew by. I wanted to visit my friends in Lubbock but I can't go. Total bummer. BUMMERRRR! 

Should I be doing this entry...while I'm in class?

Too late.

S'laters!

♥,

Rachel

I Just Want To Say!

On the eve of my birthday, I want to say this.

I love you guys. I love the people who read my blog unsubscribed. I love the subscribers. You guys motivate me to start up writing if there is a big space of nothing..ness. I defintely want to thank you for reading for listening.

Love you.

I will be back. Stronger and better than ever. My teacher said that we should put our blogs in our portfolios. That makes me cringe a bit but I am a little excited as well.

I'm excited for midnight as well. 

I will be 5 years out of high school. Crazy. 

Happy birthday to this 23 year old.

♥,

Rachel.

Yeah Right.

I will be back soon, my darlings.

I will write to you soon, my dear.

sigh.

♥

A Shortie!

Hey guys!

I wanted to do a short entry right before bed. c: So, this weekend has been crazy. We had the church lock in and it was...interesting to say the least. Some boy almost got a concussion. Thank God he was okay! He bounced back real quick. Goodness. Some dislocated shoulders and bruises as well. By 3am, we were done. Like, shut it down fast. 

Maybe for the best? I had the worst toothache ever. :(( I am not even kidding. 5 on the Richter scale.

I am not better since prayer service. Yay!

So, this LA trip is very very real. My friend is going to let us stay with her  and that's totes a miracle. Seriously, I prayed about it. I mean, I know my sister & I deserve a vacation but I want God to be there. Orchestrating it all, and pulling it all together. So I've been praying about it and hoping things will fall in place. So far, so good!! It's an 18hr drive--24hrs with gas station stops. 

We can do this! We are two Rosie the Riveters!

I want to get a legit camera so I can take tons of pictures of everything. I don't know the next time I will be going to California. Or even the places between LA and SA. =//

I just never travel long distances. 

That's about to change in two week! Goodnight!

♥,

Rachel

PS: All I need is...time.