I Bare Witness

O, blessed is He that dwells within me!
That I may continually spout words of encouragement and thanks,
wonderfully shaped in His image, I stand.
Create within me a heart that loves praise and sanctification unto You.

O, God.

I want to lift you and everyone up. To be adored and loved by a God who sees our every need.

At times I oft fear the future and the way that time is held by it.
This cannot be the norm.
I shake inadequacies off my shoulders.
I irradicate anxiety and selfishness from my mind and heart.
Lonliness has no place here.

I refuse. I refuse to be toyed with.
My feet are firmly planted on His foundation.

The stars themselves shine with brilliance and magnitude for what He has done.

♥
I just felt poetic tonight and also I've been wanting to write more. & more. & more. I want to be able to write more lighter poems. My stuff that I do write is so dark and mysterious. On Friday, we workshopped and I loved my feedback. It really made me think. "Am I really this broody and dark? Or am I just a product of my environment?"

I don't want to be. I want to be me and original and...just not that. I would rather stop writing than to copy what other people have done or acted on. It's just lame and stupid. So I hope, dear reader that you enjoy my poem. I would love to hear what you have to say on it. If anything at all. Or if you want to say 'hi'. That's nice, too. :)

Oceans.

Take me deep. Where my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior. 

Today was our first workshop in poetry class and they really liked my poem. I got a lot of feedback that was positive and I am really happy.

I also was talking about the handsome teachers in my department to the grad assistant and it turns out she went to school with one of them.

Also, she is 33. 

So there's that. She swore up and down that they wouldn't know but yeah. She seems pretty legit. 

Tbh, if they found out, I wouldn't care. There isn't much I can do at this point and I'm graduating sooooo.

Who even cares? 

This song makes me fall in love with my/our Creator all over again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw


Just...listen to it and know that God encompasses us all with love, faith, and understanding.
What I love/like about God is the reality of it all. He always has His arms outstretched to us. Asking us to come and sup with Him. It's amazing, really. To me it's sad that it took me to fast to realize that. I had to strip everything away and really focus. I've been reading the Bible a lot and His wrath is very real. 

His love and compassion is too. It's actually overwhelming how much He loves His creation. 
It's great because life can be so hard at times. 
Sometimes I feel so down trodden and discouraged. I don't want to feel that way, but it comes without warning. A gradual decline but I know who holds tomorrow. 

:) 

Happy weekend, guys.
♥

Don't Fade, Don't Evaporate

Hey guys,

Over 100 people viewed my bloggy in one day! Thank you so much! 
Malaysia. I see you. ;) 

Anyway, I am halfway through this fast and I couldn't be more happier. I am ready for some meat, but I do have...one thing I would like to share that's been on my heart for the past two days.

God is teaching me to open my mouth.

To a third world country, I am blessed. To an everyman here in the US. I am dead in the water. I feel like I could be homeless. At this point in my life, I am struggling.

Struggle. It's a word that I've heard and experienced a lot. I'm the conductor on the struggle train.

I think that God is finding me desperate. I don't have a lot of money and I'm used to that. Not only does the fast stop me from buying normal groceries, but stuff in general. I think that I am learning to do without. Which I have never had to do. Not for a long time, anyway. Now, I am working on campus and it's not enough. Last week, I applied for food stamps and I was turned away. My hopes were so high but no dice. Not too sound like Oliver Twist, but it's good for me. My ego and pride sometimes serve as a brick wall in front of me. God is just taking it down, brick by brick. 

It hurts but I need it. It's like taking that band-aid off to cleanse your wound. I cry, but I know I am growing spiritually. It just sucks sometimes. I want to have money but maybe I wouldn't learn with everything provided for me. I don't know. If you want, comment and tell me what you think.

Did I tell you that I am in a poetry workshop and I love it? Because I totally do and I wish all of my classes were workshops! :) 

Loving it. Anyways, I am still searching for jobs here and I looked in Austin for jobs.

Thousands upon thousands. I was blown away.

This is my last semester here and I can't wait to see what is next.

I will def miss my church but there is so much more opportunity in the city. 

♥
 

Beat Generation

Poetry is so expressive. You can put any random words in a phrase and make something meaningful. This semester (which is my last semester!) I am taking a poetry workshop and one of the books I'm required to read talks about what poetry is. Now, I've been writing stuff since high school, but I really wanted to take this class. It's crazy because the teacher felt that my work was so good that I could pass the two prereq's and just register. I am thankful because I would not have had another chance to take it. If you read my blog, you know that I love love LOVE poetry and anything that relates to that. It's so rad to me. 

Now, don't get me wrong. Slam poetry isn't what I'm talking about. That's like left field. I took performance studies and realized that it wasn't for me.

Anyway, I am excited about what I'm going to write this semester. I have a theme of love lost, but I want to expand my horizons. I also think that poems don't have to be extra personal. They can be funny or random orrrrr whatever. :) 

I'm also on the Daniel's Fast so there's that. Look it up. Vegan hardcore with a Jesus twist.

I am also learning to wait on God. I always want things to be done, bills to be paid...right now. God doesn't work like that and He constantly reminds me that He is there. Just on Sunday, one of the ladies at my church came up to me during service and told me that God will move my mountain. I know what that means but I still stay up wondering how bills will be paid. 

When will I learn?

I want to write more. Not to push it, but I want to write a short story or even a long story. A book. That's a long term goal, but it never hurts to dream. :)

I want to subscribe to Revelant magazine. They are worthwhile. The articles tug at my heart and I just enjoy reading what they put online. It's great. Check it out.

Concerning poetry, there's a high chance that I will go home and write something tonight. It's so ridiculous, but the first time around, my poems sucks. To me, at least. They are boring and not me at all. I have to edit, edit, and re-edit.

I used to perform all of my work. So crazy.  

I am going down the list of books I want to read. I still have a ways to go, but I found Jane Eyre for a quarter at Goodwill. I think it's going to be good. The book is a hardback and it's an olive color. Light olive. I also found this gem of a book. Emily Bronte's poetry at the library. I didn't even know she wrote poems. Score. Now, I'm not a Dickinson fan, but maybe I'll like this. The Bronte sisters got it going on even though I didn't like Wurthering Heights. That was like reading sandpaper. If you're reading this, please comment with a book that you love. I need some current books to read. I love the classics, but new stuff isn't bad either. OH OH OH! John. Flippin'. Green. He is a great writer and if you haven't heard of him, go now and Google him. He has written a handful of book and it's worth the read. Slaughterhouse-Five. I'm coming for you.

I'm actually reading my first Steinbeck book and it's not half bad. I'm on chapter 2, but whatevs. Sweet Thursday. 

See you around,

Rachel 

2014

It is good to be me.

I didn't know my blog views reached over 10k. That is amazing. I haven't blogged in forever. 3ish months. :)

Thanks...whoever reads/follows this?

2014. I am glad to see it. God has helped me through to the other side. I am now at home typing on my brother's computer. This place is so dead and non-changing. Listening to JEW. Figure it out; it's a band. I have been seeing a lot of my family and I am glad I have. I'm older and I see how important they are to me. My sister and I went to my brother's place to spend NYE. It was really fun. I miss writing. I just recently cannonballed into reading again. I miss it so much. More than air. Well, not really. I refuse to get a tumblr. Boo. I am not cool enough to do that. So, I'm 24. It's so weird seeing that and writing it down. I don't feel any different. I am still searching and looking. I am taking a full load my last semester. I think that is good for me; to stay busy. I still DJ and I am close to graduation.

Sometimes I feel like a failure. Straight up. I do. That feeling is the absolute worst.

On the other hand, I am working at the station and gaining a buttload of experience which I will totes need when I start working for real. Points for me!

My computer is totally busted. WAH!! I like can't even function without one. But here I am. Doing it. Not really because I am on one right now. All of my files were lost. I don't know if I can get anything back because the hard drive is fried. :'( I just don't know what to do. It's so weird, because I was going to be an external drive a few days. fml. Anyway it's another thing I am saving up for. A new laptop.

Molly the Laptop 2009-2013

Happy 2014.

♥