7.19.2010

Breathe...In & Out

Hello.

I can't. Do this.
It was Sunday and I had church, tonight I went to my friend's house to watch a movie. The Edukators; good film. It totally deserves the ratings and hype it gets. So does Inception. Before the movie, my friend was like...the guy I like was actually interested in her. I knew it, but in my brain a flower starting losing petals. And wilting. It was a weird feeling. I don't love this man, I just like him. Enough like to imagine us being together, holding hands. Things like that. God help me, I tried. Besides me being shy around him I texted, I invited. It wasn't enough. It's never enough. For me, it always happens like this. I will like a guy and he will like my friend. I felt really bad and bummed out last week towards the middle. I was wondering why. My heart knew what my brain didn't pick up. They are in a losing race. I will realize everything in the morning. My friends did not want to tell me or at least did not know how to break the news. And here I sit at this computer blogging out words to say when I can't even describe how I feel right now. I left, and I couldn't even go 55. I was so...jumbled. I know for sure, that this was the sign I wanted so much from God. The sign that means to keep going and move on with my life. There is slim pickings in this town. I'm through & done with dating; it only ends in disappointment for me. My friend, Chad from Georgia suggested I move there. He can always make me laugh. I need to be here. At least in Texas getting the rest of my education. I don't want to be lonely for much longer, though. The sadness is deafening sometimes.

-Rachel


PS: I won't give up. Not now. Not ever.

8 comments:

Sarah said...

there IS a guy out there for you sweetie! dont give up. sorry the last one didnt pan out

Arwen68 swapbot

April said...

I understand about slim pickin's :) God does have a plan and I firmly believe that! I am 29 so I always feel like I am running out of time :)

April "Be my blog follower on Blogger" rainbowafterrain81

Emma @ emmanemhandmade said...

Oh honey - I know just how you feel. Don't worry though - your prince WILL come. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy, and find someone who fits in your world.

Following you from swapbot - keep your head up girl!

--Emmanemhandmade

Katie said...

you will find someone who likes you for you. and there isn't even one, there's a ton! with that in mind... if you live in a teeny tiny town, maybe no one there gets you the way you want. so maybe after school, it would be a good idea to get out of there.

xo, katie
www.kateandoli.com

Aimee Dars said...

It's disappointing - I know how you feel; that seemed my life in college, but things will work out!!

Good luck!

Aimee (darzy30) - Be My Blog Follower
http://aimeedars.blogspot.com/2010/07/blogs-for-browsing.html

LADYHIGHTOWER said...

My, friend, I truly believe that you are right where you are supposed to be on this journey we call life. Though it seems lonely and harsh, just hang on. If you ever need to talk just email me and I will call! Blessings! Cathy

LADYHIGHTOWER (swap-bot)

jo_annie said...

such an open-hearted post. I like that. Don't like that you feel disappointed, but man it is so true and real. because of that...because of you being YOU, the right one will come along. promise.

Joannie

I'm a blogger, follow me swap

Kelly Lynn said...

You always find that special person when you aren't looking. It happened for me that way. I love reading your words - so honest which is so refreshing.
Hugs from Illinois...

kellylynn9 - swap-bot

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...