I can't. Do this.
It was Sunday and I had church, tonight I went to my friend's house to watch a movie. The Edukators; good film. It totally deserves the ratings and hype it gets. So does Inception. Before the movie, my friend was like...the guy I like was actually interested in her. I knew it, but in my brain a flower starting losing petals. And wilting. It was a weird feeling. I don't love this man, I just like him. Enough like to imagine us being together, holding hands. Things like that. God help me, I tried. Besides me being shy around him I texted, I invited. It wasn't enough. It's never enough. For me, it always happens like this. I will like a guy and he will like my friend. I felt really bad and bummed out last week towards the middle. I was wondering why. My heart knew what my brain didn't pick up. They are in a losing race. I will realize everything in the morning. My friends did not want to tell me or at least did not know how to break the news. And here I sit at this computer blogging out words to say when I can't even describe how I feel right now. I left, and I couldn't even go 55. I was so...jumbled. I know for sure, that this was the sign I wanted so much from God. The sign that means to keep going and move on with my life. There is slim pickings in this town. I'm through & done with dating; it only ends in disappointment for me. My friend, Chad from Georgia suggested I move there. He can always make me laugh. I need to be here. At least in Texas getting the rest of my education. I don't want to be lonely for much longer, though. The sadness is deafening sometimes.
PS: I won't give up. Not now. Not ever.