Go On Ahead.

Ow, I've been getting serious bumps lately from being super clumsy.
I'm glad don't bruise easily.

And, I know I should update more. 12 days. Too long. My hair is disgusting...and I want to know if I should get extensions.

New Year's Eve! December 30th. Amazing how fast 2010 flew by. I will try to post tomorrow, just to be cheeky. Since it will be the 365th day. :)

Ciao!

#27: No job feels nice.

Where's The Discotech, Discovery?

Oh hai.

My first free Saturday! YES! More to come. Since I did my top 10 random hot guys, I want to do my top 10 hot guy musicians. Because...why need a reason? :)

Right.

10. Jade Puget from AFI





9. Nick Zinner from Yeah Yeah Yeahs


8. William Beckett from The Academy Is...





7. Tony Thaxton from Motion City Soundtrack





6. Ezra Koenig from Vampire Weekend





5. Matthew Theissen from Relient K




4. Matthew Taylor from Motion City Soundtrack







3. Rostam Batmanglij from Vampire Weekend





2. Devonte Hynes




1. Stephen Laurenson from Copeland




Too much hot for one entry! Let me leave then. ;)

♥,
Rachel!

#26: No more work. HECK YEAH!

Come Clean, All Around Me.

It doesn't take much to make me happy.
But it does take a bit to make me overjoyous and elated. I passed this semester, and this project I was doing in my psych class...made me pass more than I expected!!! I seriously was praising God in the office. I can't believe it! I'm going to San Angelo. Nothing can stop me now, except myself. On Monday, I'm going to visit the campus. I don't think seven hours will pass by slowly. I have almost everything in place for spring. The dorm. I need that, but I have a feeling it will come in time. God has guided me so far, and I know He will help me there. No doubt. My lovely friend told me this week that she loves reading my blog. That made me so happy! I mean, even the lame stuff I post she reads and that's great. Sometimes guys. Some...times. Also, my other pretty friend commented on one of my entries saying that I was one of her favorite blogs. ♥ They are both really special to me, and I cherish them. I want to talk about friendship. We all know there's different types of friends and stuff. I mean, variety is the spice of life and I'm personally glad that there are different levels of friendships and not just like...2. How awkward would it be to have just all aquaintances or just bffs? No newish people in your life, just your besties. That's it. No. When I was a little girl, I always wanted a best friend. I was pretty intense in 1st grade. In elementary, kids are still just playing with everyone and doing things like, "If you give me your turn at the water fountain, I'll be your best friend." No good. Kids will be kids. As I've grown up, just like most people, I have had good friends and bad friends. They all have taught me something about them or myself. I don't regret it, but to me a good friend is someone who asks about you. Who doesn't put themselves higher than you. Almost equally matched. They are interested in what you do. They care about you is what I'm saying. Not if you can do them favors, give them money, or rides. Text you to see what you're doing, and remember your birthday and Christmas. That's what I love in a friend. There are other things that I look for, but that is the main one. :) I downloaded Brand New's demos. So good. I like singing the CD version with it.
It's my last day to work at the museum. I can't believe it's been 2 years. Almost 3. Ready to go.

♥,
Rachel

PS: Also, being honest/sincere is a good attribute.

#26: This year is almost over, and I felt like I have blinked twice.

School & The Semester Abroad

"We'll be taking whatever you got. All your pretty little rags & bones!"

"Was your kiss too weak? Were your eyes too tight? And much too young to fall in love. Much too young to be in love. Just let me run where I want to run. Just let me love who I want."

"I lie well. Halehu. I lie for only you."

"So go away, go away and leave me on my own. Honey, leave me on my own."


^____^ I can finally sign up for classes! Brit Lit here I come! There's something I want to talk about: self-image. 2010. Image is everything. Most people judge you based solely on how you look. I'm here to say...it doesn't matter. Of course, to get a good job or make a good impression, you have to be presentable. But to be constantly trying to up your friends in who looks better or copying people on television is insane to me. Now, I'm plus size. I am, and that's something I deal with all the time. Do I hate it? No. It's not really that I hate the plus size label or the people in that label. I don't like MY body. At all. I was raised that being big is unhealthy, wrong, and embarrassing. My mother always mentioned and tried to put me on diets and "eating plans" starting when I hit puberty, because she was concerned. I see her intentions, but to me it felt like I was never good enough. Good grades, staying in school, and out of trouble seemed second rate to my weight and what I looked like. I think I started hating myself when I realized I was much heavier than my friends and stuff. So with all these pressures coming from every side, I shut down. I wouldn't talk about it, but I didn't have anyone to talk about it with. Y'know? I never had guys be attracted to me at all. Dating was not heard of for me. I think it's because I hated my body, so why should they like it? Self-esteem was not present at all, and as I went through high school it didn't really leave me. I felt trapped inside my body. That's never a good feeling, but now at 21 I feel like I can like the chubby girl in the mirror. The fat girl who has never been kissed, who has never had guys give her a second glance and a mom who never understood that without support, a diet is a death sentence. I can start to love that person looking back. Feed it right. Clothe it right. Accept it. I wish it hadn't taken me this long. I would have felt okay with myself a long time ago. :) I'm not saying just bigger people have this problem. Self acceptance. Everyone does, especially during the awkward jr. high/high school years. You just have hormones raging and there is nothing you can do to stop that tornado of a mess. Hahaha. I love bigger women with confidence. I am so jealous. I want to have that mindset of nothing can get me to a point where I change for them. For society. For anyone but myself. I do feel like I need to lose weight, but I want to be the one who says, "Okay, Rachel. It's time." Also, I want to do it for health reasons. Not for a boy, a dress, a size, or to shop easily in a certain store. No, I am going to do this the right way. Forget the name calling, bullying, and teasing. I'm not giving THAT a second look over. It's not worth it. I can spend my energy on something worthwhile. So, with that in place, I watched this documentary about plus size girls. Two women talked about their experiences as bigger women. Very inspiring for me, and moving. Watch it here. Just press play on the vid. :) I want everybody to like who they are inside and out. I mean, we only have one body and why not be positive? If you want change, change. If you don't, don't. And I know it's not as simple as that, but it should be. It really should be. I'm not what society sees as a black woman.
I'm not Halle Berry or Venus & Serena.

I'm Rachel, and that's enough.

♥,
Rachel

#25: No Christmas spirit. :

I'll Put YOU On My Wall.

Why can't I finish you?

It's sitting on my desk as we speak. I've had it for MONTHS. It's not even mine. I feel bad for taking forevs to read it! I know I start to miss my books after a while. All 710548345743905 of them. 3 shelves full of books! Double stacked! I just...yeah. You can say that I enjoy a book or two. Couple hundred. Whatever. :) This week has flew by, and I've been so busy. I'm glad it's over, though. I mean, one more week of class. Can't beat that. I signed up for my ASU parking last night. :3 Tee-he! Oh, by the way these other schools accepted me:

Good schools. SFA has a spa!! If I based my school on awesome pools, SFA would beat everyone. Hands down. Just, amazing. I am still happy about ASU, though. They have such a great nursing program, and it's far. Honestly, I want to get out of this area and the surrounding cities. Like, Houston. TWU has a branch there, but I know I'd choose Dallas. This is my last weekend working with my co-worker, because she will be on vacay next Saturday. Yay, college! I'm going to go look at fashion blogs, k?



♥,

Rachel

#24: I want to visit France.

I Haven't Been Here Or There. Just Omnipresent.

I just wanted to make a quick post before I go into college mode at work.
Yep.

At work. No one is here except me and my "co-worker" so...
Why not?
I'm nervous about writing class. I have to turn in my late project. Speaking of...I have that video project from psych I need to edit as well.
This is turning into a checklist. Whoops. I'm sorry.
I just took a peek at Tori's blog; I hope you have too. :) I'm not really sure how many people read this or if this is a waste of time. But it's MY waste of time. A space to breathe and let it all flow out. Or come out. Whichever floats yer boat. I am sitting in my office right now. Honestly, I am on the fence about missing this building and these people. I know I'll miss my boss. As for the others...no. I highly doubt that they know me at all. I don't really talk about myself unless it's apparent. Like my contacts or my clothes. The outside, and while I keep myself inside and mile to myself. I can't say I really know them either. In class today, we were talking about how we perceive people. How bad things can be justified if you do it, but if someone else does it's unforgivable. I think what I got from our lecture is that people can be maniacal. I am amongst those people.

Off topic: I want to capture this sunlight coming in from my window right now. It's very pretty and makes everything seem concrete. Not hazy or dark. Just there. I like it a lot. I painted my fingers again. Picture later? Yes, later.

As I said, today I was thinking too much and I thought about how we as people act in society. We all put a blanket on our personality or how we are to be less crazy as we are behind closed doors or with our friends. And the people who aren't are labeled misfit. Crazy. Unkempt. I don't know where I'm going with this, but thank you for staying with me.

Go listen to Manchester Orchestra.

I've been catching all your ghosts for every season.
I pray to God you won't come back here anymore,
do you pray to Him too?

When you look at me I'll be digesting...your legs.
'Cause I can barely see what's in front of me,
these days.
And those days too.

God, where have you been?

I got to get all this stuff done.

♥,
Rachel

#23: O, God. You are nearer than I thought.

Bones Colliding

Hey guise!

What is up? One more week until school is out, and I couldn't be more nervous! Nervy on a nervy boat. Lazy Saturday! Actually, I will be editing my video project for my Psychology class. I chose to research my mom's side of the family. So, during Thanksgiving, I went up to Cleveland---I explained this already. I'm sure...I just heard Tegan & Sara cover "Umbrella"! It was good! Some live action, and speaking of...I randomly wiki'ed Saosin. The band? Yeah. At the high school I moved to, EVERYBODY I knew liked them a lot. Them and System of A Down. Smh. And the former lead singer, Anthony Green, did some guest vocals on one of my favorite bands, Zolof the Rock & Roll Destroyer's album! :D So, yeah. I end up on the Warped Tour wiki, reading why almost all of the better bands have walked away from the tour. Basically for the past 3 years, it's been crappy electronic bands playing and Christian bands. The tour started out almost...all punk. The Adicts, The Germs, Bayside, AFI, Guttermouth, The Casualities, NOFX, Anti-Flag and the like would be on the list and now it's like pop, electronic, crap. Seriously, it's bad. One or two bands I would actually see. Motion City and Cute. Suuuucks. I never got a chance to go see it before it went downhill. Also, the people speaking out against were saying the newish bands were acting really conceited and stupid. When I say eletronica-pop-crap, I mean this, this, and definitely, this.
:( I wish I could have gone when I was in high school, now what's the use? I mean, none of the bands I want to see are there, and that's one of the bigger music festivals that come to Texas. Besides SXSW in Austin and Summerfest in Houston. I don't know of any big ones that attract good bands. Also, I would love to fly out north and see Coachella or Lollapolooza...but you know you need real money to do that. Hahaha, anyway.
MUSIC has down spiraled into oblivion!!! At least I have my Lunachicks vinyl.
Just kidding. They aren't that good. I hope someone or anyone who reads my blogs are listening to the playlists that I'm putting up! :) I am trying to do something new about the music on here. Ohmigosh, I am so nervous about college!!!!!!!!1!!!?!!!

byee!

♥,
Rachel!

#22: ~Run-run-runaway. No sense of time.~

Some Hotness? K,Thanks!

Hi!

So, I'm not celebrity crazy, but I do like some actors for their faces! My sister thinks I have weird taste, but she doesn't know what's what. I do!

So, here's my countdown.

10.) Adrian Grenier


9.) Shaun White



8.) Dan Under



7.) James McAvory



6.) James Franco



5.) Jason Biggs in the Loser movie!



4.)Paul Rudd



3.)Justin Long



2.) Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid



1.)Ville Valo



That's it! :)

♥ you & them,
Rachel!

#21: I get hardcore buyer's remorse.