Number 35, You're Up.

This'll be quick and painless, I promise.

snug covers, a fresh bed.

i couldn't last under all that pressure.

out to sea, you find even the fish get cabin fever.

rush, rush, rush went the waves.

hush, hush, hush beat my heart.

i roll in it.

i roll in it all.

i cannot recall my last name.

or yours, for that fact.

i'm sorry, i wasn't a great explorer.

my name on everyone's lips and between their teeth.

this isn't a random obscurity about life and why we live in it.

no.

i just miss you, dad.

♥,

Rachel

#38: Click, click, click, click, click.

***The coloring is making me mad. D:

Maybe, Maybe Not.

Whenever I see other people blogging it makes me want to hug my blog. I'm so so happy to see my friends writing and sharing their thoughts. So good. Today was a lazy day, which I can't get enough of. me and some friends went to the lake house. Yeah, ASU has a legit lake house that is actually pretty. The water was relaxing and the sun was just the right amount of brightness. We drove around awhile and talked. S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y. My bite is healing. Yay! I hope CDs never leave us. There are some with beautiful artwork and to give that all up for a .flac or .lossless file. No, I am not joining that club. Church in t-minus 5 hours.

Come at me.
bye!

♥,
Rachel!

#37: For once, I feel like I can be ok liking boys and them liking me back.

A Deep Breath, Because We've Just Started.

Yes, I am making a new entry the next day I did the other one.

One announcement:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG!!!! A WHOLE YEAR HAS PAST!!

I feel so grateful to all the people who have read and commented and just made me feel like this was a good good good idea. And a special thanks to my rad friend, Kimaroo, for helping me make this. Seriously, without her consistent nagging[jking, with chu, Kim!], I would not have done this. Well, not so soon. Maybe started....this year? I dunno. It wouldn't be here. In the now. So, thank you. I totally had to look to see if it really was my one year anny. Would be embarrassing if it wasn't. All happy and excited. :D So, when I dream, I'm very active. I talk and move around. My mom actually caught me singing and laughing at home. Last night was different. I was being chased by black silhouettes that were Frenchmen. I was in the passenger seat and I was rolling up my window and thier hands tried to slink through the closing crack of my window. I tried pushing it out with my hands, but it was slipping through my fingers. I got anxious and I think I either tried again or bit them. They recoiled...I didn't. I bit my hand and broke through the skin.

I. Bit. My. Own. Hand. And. Broke. The. Skin.

So unbelievable; I woke up with a jerk and looked at the damage. Okay, I was more surprised that I actually hurt myself in a dream and it was real than the bite. Wow. It's still sore and it's a small pucker of skin. Healing, though. I'm so bad. I went back to sleep with my hands way out of reach. Real talk. I didn't think my dreams could be dangerous. I know sometimes I have very realistic dreams that feel like it actually happen. But this...nooooo. School = school. I = I.

That songs like a good song title; "I = I, But What Are You?"

kbye!

♥,

Rachel

#36: Trying to keep up, but so so far behind.

Two Toned & Big Boned.

Swing it.

I've found a holy room of Internet. My lobby. So, definitely going to be in here a long time. I don't have to drive anywhere. That I like. No, no, no. Love. So, I guess God helped me because this means I'll be meeting tons more people this way. I prayed for guidance on the whole dorm issue. I haven't been adjusting well. I realized that I don't want to make friends or connect with people for convience sake. I want to really find a friend. Not just because we're neighbors. Of course, I'll be polite. And nice to you. But to share my inner thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears, secrets, and theories? No.

That's not me.

Open your eyessss.

Okay, so I've been seeing a lot of fashion plus size blogs around. I've been lurking. I want to post my outfits that are cute on here. If I remember. Maybe talk about them? I don't know. I have to remember to take pictures. I only have my lowly Blackberry camera. I'm going to finish this entry before my battery dies. Oh believe that.

Day 4. A song that makes you sad.

This shouldn't be hard, but it is. Like all the other days. "This Time Imperfect" by AFI. It is a sorrowful song, but lifted me up at the same time. It told me I wasn't alone in my sadness. In my change. I felt so drawn to this song off of the first AFI album I bought when I was 13. 13!! Ack, so long ago. I related to the whole album, but this song was different. Enough chit-chat. Here it is:

So a look into my inner soul as a 13 year old. Yes. Haha, I still love AFI to this day, and I don't think I would ever stop loving every album they create. This band has been through it all with me. My life wouldn't be the same without listening to them. ♥
What's something you cherish? A song? A object? What? Tell me.

bye for now, friend.

♥,
Rachel

#35: This night has just begun to form around us. Be still and silent.

Punk Playlist.

Go out west where I belong. Where the days are short and the nights are long. ♥

Annnd I Am Back.

Smokin' in the boys' room! Computing in the library!
Hey guys, it's been a while! A lot has gone done in my life like school being very demanding. More than BC, I believe. Right now, at this very moment, I'm at the public library using their wi-fi. As their sign says: "Our wi-fi hotspot." Yep. Getting used to San Angelo. I mean, it's not hectic here so I'm pretty happy most of the time. Last weekend me and some friends went to Austin to the big two story mall there. It was really fun and then we went to UT and got lost a lot. My friend's bf was mad. I can see why. Very hectic, so I drove home and I was really really really tired. What happened to my music challenge?! I'm so ridiculous. I have homework due and errthang. So, I was trying to post on here through my cell phone. Did not work. ~shrug~ I gotta do it the right way. ;) I saw the cutest guy in the Lego store on Saturday, I so wanted to talk to him but I'm sure he gets compliments all the time. He seriously was super handsome. Then, last night I had a dream and the song, "Under The Bridge" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing on my sister's stereo in my dream. I woke up and had to listen to it. So, picture me [naked. Just kidding!] in my bed jamming some RHCP in the morn! Loving it. New ideas in the works, and I need to see someone about my Internet at my dorm. Horrible. Practiced Rivers today at the park and did my finger drills. I so need to get better at finger plucking. Serious. bye bye, friend!

♥♥,
Rachel!

#34: Boyfriend? Mine? Any guy? No? Okay. :[

This Sick Human Creation Is Mine

I will be back soon, guys. No time or enough Internet to create. I know, I know. I've already made this but...what can I say? Look how sad the dog is!!!?

♥♥,
Rachel!

Clap Your Hands. Stomp Your Feet.

I wouldn't say I've stopped writing in my brain.
I would say that I've stopped writing here.
I miss you.
I miss my diary. School has taken hold of me and it's not letting go anytime soon. God is moving faster than tectonic plates. The Earth's crust is gently bending to His will. I can't believe in a month, I've grown spiritually.

In bounds, I feel. :)
That's way more than a smile. I'm leaving for home to pick up my bass. Rivers. ♥ And then, I'm going to see everyone and mom. Of course. I miss Internet and not being able to access it in my own living space. And speaking of space; I miss having my own room. Even sharing it with my sister...was better. I think that I have to get used to very little privacy for a while.
I don't have a job and I want to know if God has something in store for me...I've been getting checks and paying all my bills. I really don't have a need for a job. I just need to pray about a lot of things. Like if I need to do a work in the church I'm going to. Btw, which has humbled me so much. In tears. Literally. I feel like it's a very good church. Bye for now.

♥,
Rachel

#33: Stretching my hands and brain.