Had some Urkels, like 'em alot!

Oi.


I'm in early-era AFI mood. This is the last week in 2011. It passed by so fast. So fast. I don't do resolutions, or promises to better myself. I just brace for what lies ahead. So, I finally got to watch Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind:



That movie was questionable. I don't know what to think about it. Give me a few and I'll get back to you. Other than that, last night, I was having a pity party for myself and it was really sad. Not sad like fake pity for myself, but just a deep sadness coming for deep down. I also talked to my coach the day before yesterday about school and work and how it's stressful. I've always envied the rich and well off. They never work or actually struggle. Of course, there's the rotten personality and terrible etiquette. 


Man.


I guess I have too much integrity to trade it all in. I would hate to be rich and lonely. Anyway, it was so sudden. I am prone to random bouts of deep thinking. 


I'm an emotional monster. Hahaha, emotions just spilling all over the place! Crazee. My mom might move up here for work. I am glad she is re-locating but sad because then...I wouldn't have privacy. I feel like a jerk for thinking that, because she needs a job. Needs money, and needs out weigh the wants.  I think it will be good for her to not be in B-Co. It drags you down. The only people who have real jobs are the hospitals and the chemical plants, and even those jobs are unsteady. I don't know how many people I've spoken with who don't know if they'll have their jobs.


Here's to the new year.


I wanted to make a list of things I've always wanted to do and put it on here. Let's see.

1. fly in a hot air balloon

2. meet johnny depp and have a conversation with him

3. dye my hair

4. be in a film

5. see the yeah yeah yeahs live/meet them

6. almost get a tattoo

7. help someone in dire need

8. write lots of stories

9. have a guy love me for me

10. have long hair

I think that's just some of the main ones. I have so much going through my brain, it's ridiculous. I know you do too. 

I found Sherri Dupree's flickr. She is awesome. I love her. I love Eisley. It took me almost two hours to finish this post. I honestly am looking forward the new year and what it holds. I still feel old and have the urge to listen to "Burn Your Life Down" but I'm gonna fight it off!

Who thought about "Seven Nation Army"?

So did. :)

If I don't write here before the new year I hope you all have a wonderful holiday filled with cheer & happiness!! You received everything that you wanted and that you make someone else happy, too. :) 

all over it. 

<3,

Rachel! 

Boogie & Bogey Down.

I'll be back soon.


I promise. The holidays are going so fast. My family is here for almost two weeks and they leave very very soon.


:( I like living alone, but then again...it was so nice to have them in the house.


To fill it with laughter and old jokes. We danced, and laughed, and really just missed each other. I know I did. No lie. My fb friend is getting a memorial tat, and I honestly think that's very noble/brave of her. It is. If I have ever gotten a tat, it would be music related. Too far into to back out now.


My faith in love is still devout.


A couple of more days and it's the new year. I feel indifferent. Hmm.
I watched Gigli. It's as bad (if not worse) than what every critic says.
They lip sync the words. Why??


Anyways,  Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you lovely people! I hope you roundhouse kick the new year. ;D


<3,
Rachel! 

That Point.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Doesn't everyone get to this point? I feel like I'm running in circles.
I just want to move forward. I'm burnt out, and run out. Writing feels good. Something that I'm okay at. My job sucks. I've never hated a job so much in my entire life. Call centers. 

no.

I want to scream. It's too loud at home, and awk at the library. So, I'm going to sit and listen to Manchester Orchestra and write.

And write.

And write.

I am sorry that it's been so long. I wanted to write every couple of days, and I haven't.

So, the semester is over and in Stats class, I failed. So mad. I actually put forth effort in this class and she is going to fail me? I passed her other class, and didn't pass Stat. No sense. Nonsense. She is nonsensical. I looked at my grades today and I emailed her asking what I could do for a passing grade. 

I don't know if that will work.

I don't know if she will read it in time since she never checks her email, but I want to try.

I'm trying.

Plus, she never came to class, and canceled class for no reason. No one honestly knew what they were doing. She didn't teach us, rather just let us go at random times or just never showed up.>=(

Don't fail me when you failed yourself.

JMCSPOASADONMASOIRIJUCALKSDAPWOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So mad.

I just put 's' instead of 'd'.

Mas mad.

So much so. It's like...I want my school life to go well at least.

My work life sucks.

My spiritual life needs some repair.

Come on school; get it together. 

Here's to this week and not sucking. Last night at work was terrible. I hate ungrateful people, people who put themselves in that situation and blame everything except what caused it.

15, 16K in debt and you think since I can't give you a low apr it's my fault. No sir, no ma'am. How about not maxing out your credit card?

I'm sorry this is such a poopy post. I know it's far from the norm. On a much more lighter, happier note my family is coming to ME for Christmas!!! YAAAAY! It's going to be so fun with them in the a-p-t. :D My sister wants to decorate my house. No.

Not happening, but they want to see meeeeeeee. Excited to be with them for the holidays. Hey-oh.

Time for work and putting on a brave face.

♥,

Rachel

The Weakends. My weak end.

Hello, hello.


I am in a very thoughtful mood tonight. So, 2011 went by so fast. I feel like we just started January.


I've been in SA almost a year now. I remember being so excited to leave home, and now I can't wait to visit and I can't wait to see the bridge before going into town. Wow, and so many things have happened.


God.


He plays such a huge role in everything. In my life, in your life. Just...in all things. 


I fell like I haven't given enough time to Him at all; my pastor preaches about spending time with him like a spouse or a bestie and I just need to do IT. 


Today went by fast and Tuesday I am leaving for home. I'm so so excited because I can't wait to see my family. See my friends and just relax at home. 

Thanksgiving is over. That's how long it's taking me to make this entry. I think it's the anxiousness.

Nervousness. I feel as if this entry will be the end and the start of something very...different.


Anyway, I feel as if my prayer life has dwindled. When I first came to SA I was so into winning people to church and bringing people on my floor to my new church. I have settled in. Now, my friend who is moving here too next semester is going to visit my church again. :) He really really liked it, which makes me really happy. 


I need to work on my relationship, because Jesus hasn't changed. He still meets my needs and provides for me every single time. I think that's where I want to hide in a hole or something because He sure doesn't my lack of worship. Of course there are people all over the world lifting up prayers and praise to Him, but He is a jealous God.


....I need to work on it.


So, I'm back home and I got here in 6 hours instead of 7? I was very proud of that because I totally stopped twice. 


Gas station restrooms will remain sketchy. It was 7:45 at night and I was still on my guard. It's funny, because everyone else is too. So, it's kind of funny.


In a way.


So, it's finally winter and I couldn't be happier to wear more clothes! I might get weave too which is exciting! My friend from work can do it, and all I do is buy the hair. I thought, "Why not? Life is too short!" :) She was like, "Maybe you'll get the guys. You never know...or that guy."


^////^ That wouldn't be a bad thing.


I think as I get older, I get better at dressing. I look at fat fashion blogs allll the time, so it must be rubbing off on me. Positively.  Here's to this week!


Dreamlist soon. Soon? Yeah, soon.


♥ all of you and you,


Rachel!

Oh My, These Days...

So, went to see Manchester Orchestra on Saturday.

What?

WHAT!? I deeeeeed! It was amazing.

Crazy.

Beautiful.

Brilliant.

Hobos every which way.

Anyway, I left Sat morning, and got to my sister's apt around 11:30ish. I tell you what! Driving 75mph in the hill country. Win. I settled in and hung out with my sister for a while. Actually, we were out in her neighborhood and she saw someone get hit by a car. Devastating. Not only was it on the day of my concert, but it just...sucked. I don't know. And so we pulled over and everyone within a 5-10 mile radius was stopping, calling 911, etc. I had to put my sister's car in park because she was frozen in shock. We actually went to another side of town to eat and everything. She lost her appetite. :( After that, she dropped me off at the show. I got there way early and the line was just barely starting. Yay! :) 

The sign by the sidewalk. I waited about an hour and a half just in line, and then, they finally let us in! We were marched in like criminals, though. Very odd, like, tickets in one hand and our other hand visible so we have our bracelets checked. All bags checked of course. Got in, and okay. I always try to get as close as possible. Just because I blog and I love being so close to the stage and almost touching the band or whoever is playing. It makes me happy, but what sucks is I was almost second row but I was right behind this very tall guy who looked so derpy. Wasn't even there for Manchester Orchestra! Was like, trying to get all of his friends up to the front, too. UGH. That happened. He moved right before MO came on. Heck to the yes. In the venue we waited for another hour and a half? I think there was something going wrong, because everyone who was helping seemed in a rush and were setting up/tearing down extra fast. I promised myself I would post this...post so I might break up my thoughts. Sorry ahead of time.

So, the bands that played:

Little Hurricane

The Dear Hunter  

White Denim

So, Lil' Hurrikane. Jk, they were like The White Stripes if they went extra alt-rock. Just a girl on drums and a guy who can't sing on guitar/'keys. Their equipment broke in the middle of the set and they had to stop and fix it. =/ Kind of sucked, but they took it in stride. I guess it has happened...before?  No, no, no! Jokeskis. Pictures!!!

They were okay, but the guy's voice really threw me off. What was weird is that I was in Pac-Sun yesterday and their song was on their store radio!! :O Getting popular!

So, The Dear And Hunter; Casey from another band formed this one and they were okay. I could see why they opened for MO. They were really similar in styles, but I wasn't really into it. I guess I was just waiting for MO and tolerating them. I am ridiculous, but yeah! Pictures/videos! 

So, my videos have to be uploaded separately and I guess I'll put it on a different post. I've been holding this on off too long. I'm sorry, fateful viewers! :( Anyways, so Dear & The Hunter was legit. Not my style, but that's okay. The next band...made me mad. So MAD! White Denim is from Austin and is a....[brace yourselves]....a jazz fusion band?! Why even are they included on a tour with MO?! No. SENSE! The whollllle crowd was just standing there waiting while they just went to town on improvisation and all of this unnecessary mess! Their set seemed extra long! To pass the time, I took some pictures:

There's that. They finally left & then it was time...

What I waited for so long. Manchester. 

It's so awesome seeing a band you love live. It's just takes you to that other level of amazement. Seeing them in real life, being so close to them and singing the words to every song just gets me. Another thing is people who are big fans or even more hxc about than me. People who travel hours to see a concert because you know they'll be around your hometown. Those people. Fans. I have respect for them, y'know? I have the setlist! <3's on my favorites and links so you can listen to them, too. :)

Deer

Pride ♥

April Fool ♥

100 Dollars ♥

My Friend Marcus

Leaky Breaks

Pensacola ♥

I've Got Friends ♥

Shake It Out ♥

I Can barely Breathe ♥

Simple Math ♥

Colly Strings

Only One ♥

Encore!

Virgin ♥ 

Everything To Nothing ♥

The River ♥

So good. Just watched the new music video for them...Virgin. What are you trying to say, MO? Hmmm! America is in the pits? Maybs. Their set not looks short. Not enough songs; two encores. :D

Pictures! Pictures! Pictures!

I really love them. Their music is so...moving. As I grow older and my music tastes change, I get it. I realize that music is not just created in one form. There are so many forms and ways to truly express how you feel. I think that music breaks all barriers. I just love it. This week is going okay, and I think I'll be okay with everything. I'm getting to know him better. We joke all the time; I don't self conscious. I feel like me. Which is always a good thing. X3 Um, I'm still looking for a job. I'm horrible at my current one. I know God will help me with that; like always. Like He always does with everything else.

Ciao for now.

♥,

Rachel

I Can't Seem To Fix These Leaky Breaks.

We built this house with our hands & our blood.

I'm seeing them tonight! <3

What, What, What, Why?

So, this week has been...a whirlwind.

My job. So, I've been doing really bad with my job and getting write-ups and what have you. I don't know what to do. I've been trying my BEST and I STILL CAN NOT MEET QUOTA! I really want to just go to the top of the cliff and scream my lungs out until I can't. So frustrating! I feel like I really don't have a choice in this because if I quit, I won't make it. No money coming in. If I get demoted, I will hate that job, and I love my co-workers. That's one of the main reasons I've stayed this long. There is a 77% turn over for this job and I can see why. What I do specifically is talk to customers who want to close out their account and let them know the benefits of staying with us. There are steps you go through to do that and you have to have a certain way of talking. Let's just say you have to be precise or else the people calling in will run you over. Just tonight run me over the edge. This lady kept just pushing.

Pushing...

I need a new job; I feel like a chicken because I'm one of the last people from my training class who have made it through. Four of us, I think. One of the girls who I talk to hates it. She can't stand it. Anyways, so it's pretty rough at times. There are a lot of cool customers you get to talk to [like the Moneyball guy!], but when you get angry customers back to back..not okay. Can't handle rage when I have nothing to do with you maxing your credit card to the limit and the interest rate on the card is high. Your fault. I've never worked at a job for a couple of months and already loathe talking to people! What?!

So, I want to add him to Facebook tonight. Kind of nervous but it's no big deal. [Yes it is! Ohgoshohgosh.]

I guess. :) I'm going to make this weekend better. The Lord is going to make it better for me because He holds the world in His hands. I'm going to trust Him just like I trusted Him with my finances. I'll give it to Him.

Santigold. FYI, they are playing Death Cab on the radio. "Cath!" What is everyone doing for Halloween? Since it falls on a Monday [lameskis!], I have to work. I may just skipskis and torture someone. Is anyone dressing up and causing trouble? My church is having a festival. Tres cute. I was thinking about some costume ideas:



Just a few ideas.

I hope you guise have a rockin' Halloween!

♥ + batwings,
Rachel!

?

I don't know what to title this.

It has been a rough day at work.

I don't even...I don't even know what to think.

I work in a call center. I was never the persuasive type.

I haven't been where I'm supposed to be for a while now.

I would like to call someone but I feel like I'm interrupting something/someone.

Anything.

The boy I like works with me; if I'm asked to leave how do I tell him?

Go See It!

A Wave Collapsing You & Rushing You.

Ohh, hey friends.

I'm glad you're reading this.

This weekend flew by as always and I had to work...as always. I always make it out in the end.

With God's help.

I need to get something off my chest.

So, Friday, after work I went straight home. I didn't have any plans or much to do except for studying which is supposedly everyday. V_V Anyway, I was thinking about the guy I like and how alone I was. Call it a moment of weakness or a moment of vulnerability but a wave a sadness/depression hit all at once. I'm 22 and I've never had a boyfriend, a guy to kiss me, a date, or anything of the sorts? I can't help but think is there something wrong with me? I could blame it on where I lived, but my friends have boyfriends and guys who like them. I felt utterly helpless. It was such a random moment too. It came out of left field. I know I've been here since early 2011, but sometimes I get impatient, anxious with myself and God. I don't know what He has in store but I hope a guy comes around soon. When I think it about more, in all of my years a guy has never even asked me out. [Creepers and weirdos don't count. It has to be equal interest.] I seriously don't understand. Maybe you have some advice, readers & friends? I am at a loss.

♥, me

Stay For A While.

very good things coming very soon.

I might be starting a series of interviews with some magnificent people.  

I saw that I had 3,330 views on here.

Thank you, thank you so much. <3 

I can't believe my blogspace is 1 year old and people actually read this.

My words carry some importance. :) That makes me happy.

I was also thinking about another idea; maybe getting some of the women from my church to form some sort of fashion page on fb for women/girls/cool chicks of like faith or just people in general who have misconceptions of us. 

♥,

Rachel!

Misinformed.

Whispers, chants, and phrases spill out.
The rain beats a steady rhythm.
I feel a lot older than I look.
The years of toiling have take its toll.
You still aren't mine.
You walk freely unaware of what your future holds.
Unaware of me.

A Brand New Horizon.

God can use you in such a mighty way.

Thursday. I woke up early. Way earlier than I am used to, and I turn on my phone because for some reason I can't get back to sleep. I see all of these messages waiting on me and then a message from a friend who I haven't talked to in nearly a month. He was asking how I was doing, and I said good. Then, he told me he lost his job. They just let him go without warning that morning. I so know how unemployment feels. God told me to pray for him. I told God, "Whyyyy me, Lord? I haven't talked to this fool in weeks! He just ups and texts me. Nooo." I felt like Jonah. Running, running, running away. The burden for the prayer was so strong I had to do it. You always need to follow the will of God. No matter what. No matter how you feel. So, I called him and left a vmail. For half an hour we played phone tag until he called me back. I told him I called because the Lord wanted me to pray with him. He was SO stoked. Like, seriously. It was crazy how excited he was. So, I went ahead and did that and he started crying really bad. He was amazed at how we were different faiths but God used me. He is Mormon and I'm Pentecostal. A month and a half ago I gave him a scripture about not selling the truth and I told him, "Dude, don't follow non-truth, especially when you know what's right." He insists that's where he should be right now, but no one at his church prayed for him. No one fellowships with him and he told me flat out he needed more Christian friends. To uplift you; it made me get in perspective because I DO have family and friends who believe like me. It was must be hard going through life without anyone. Also, like, I think there is some sore of atmosphere between us because I told him about the old guy who asked me out who lives next door and he wanted to kick him in the throat. =/ I...thought that was hilarious. Anyway, he asked me if I thought of him that way since he is 11 years older than me. I said no, because they are two different people. I think that he wants to say something to me, but doesn't know how. I could be reading way into this like I always do, but something is different about this guy. I'm going to try to ignore it. HMMM! Anyway, he is doing better and I'm praying for a better job for him. A week away is school!! Can't. Wait! I invented a flash mob for my town, and we're doing our first event next Thursday! Heck yeah!! :D

♥,
Rachel

My Heartbeat, My Life.

Was thrifting today. I didn't find much. =/
I had a dream that I was writing in my blog. Maybe it was a sign? School is starting soon and I can't wait. I really missed it. I like work; I do, but going back to school and getting back on track is going to be good for me. Plus..now I don't feel so anxious about how I transferred. I don't feel old or ridiculously embarrassed. Gold & blue!

♥,
Rachel!

Picture Perfect.

What's up? :)

So, I'm only working and thinking about when school starts. I still have no internet at home so I make my trek to the library or the cool coffee shop part of Hastings. They play The Decemberists and Tegan/Sara. Win. At work, I talk to people all day long. It's a call center. Thursday. I was really thinking about what if an actor calls in? Little did I know that's just what happened. Mr. Toy? Okay, has a credit card obvs. Is going to be in this movie called Moneyball starring Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill? Wow, I was amazed. This is a little of how our conversation went.

MT- "Thank you so much for helping me with my credit card information! I needed to change my address because I live in San Francisco and I'm on location for a movie!"

R- "What? Oh really? What movie?"

MT- "I'm going to be a pitcher in this movie called Moneyball, and it stars Brad Pitt! It's shooting in LA and I'm over there right now. The reason why I live in San Fran is because it's 5 hours away if I'm needed to go there. I can't live in LA because everyone is too spaced out!! But you should SO go see it!"

R- "WHAT?!!? OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG, heck yes I will! That is sooooo awesome! I can't believe it! Woah, so is Brad and Jonah nice people?!!!"

MT- "Totally."

So, yeah, that's how our conversation went. He was so nice and I am still in shock of why that guy has a credit card anyway. :D Good stuff. They are looking into moving me into another department, though. It's taking me too long to pick up the flow of things. As long as I don't get fired, I'm fine but I'm already comfy with my co-workers. I seriously like everyone a lot and it would be a bummer to leave. I guess I can add them on facebook or something. =/ We'll see how this week goes. I'm going home week after next and I can't wait. I really miss my family. I think that's the worst about living 7 hours away is that they're not close by. School is coming up very soon, so I told myself I'd go see them before then. I def want to do it. Also, God has been dealing with me lately. I had a scripture for my friend today.

"Buy the truth and sell it not." Prov 23:23

I let him know, but those words speak a lot of truth. Never stray or settle for something that is partial truth when you know in your heart it's wrong. You have to set that standard. Jesus did it for us. He didn't half way die on the cross. He gave his life for us; the least we can do is serve him fully. That goes for me too; one of my favorite band's lead singers was potentially a satanist. No, I can't just let it go. I have actually been avoiding the issue, but I know I can't string along forever. Something has got to give. I hope everyone who reads this has a very blessed week, and has fun for the rest of summer! W0000t! Let's get it, guise!
byeeeeeeeee

♥,
Rachel!


PS: So you know I wasn't telling a story! The movie poster:

Doing work in the streets.

#58: I don't feel old, I feel alive.

I Have A Few Quips & Qualms.

Hello, jello!

So I was thinking about my size and everything. My friend, Kat was once a bigger girl and now she has lost weight. It's kind of crazy how we instantly connected and everything. I love how she is always on the same wavelength as me no matter what. When you examine both of our lives we are totally on different paths, ages, and times in our lives. But that's all God, because I seriously couldn't ask for a better friend in a new place. A new town and I have someone who is there for me. Not only that, her family is so cute! Her husband likes me a lot, and I like him too! He's so great and so are her 5 kids. Count it! Insane in the membrane, but they do it. All day, everyday. So, this weekend I vowed to finally put this plan into action and interview her.





1. When did you initially start gaining weight and noticing it?
When my parents got a divorce, I started really gaining weight. I went through jr. high and high school. During high school I lost weight, but then when I had my first child I gained a lot of weight. By 20 years old, I was miserable.

2. How was day-to-day?
I took it out on the ones I loved. My husband then took it on me by making me feel so small so I then lived vicariously through my daughter.

3. For a lot of bigger women, the dating scene is pretty ridiculous. Even for me, it's pretty unbearable, how did you deal with it?
I got pregnant in high school, so I really didn't have to deal with dating as a women in her twenties. I also got married quickly afterward, so dating didn't phase me really.

4. So, what life like after you started losing weight?
I felt empowered. I was in control; not food. I felt like I could face the world again. I saw a change in how people treated me. It was odd, but I knew it was because I was smaller.

5. How did your family react to this big change in your life?
They were supportive in everything that I did. I really appreciate and love them.

6. Do you tell other bigger people about your story and your life?
I won't go out and project it to just anyone. Only people who ask for advice on it. I don't just assume people who are big are struggling with their weight. That can get in you in trouble.



So, I finally got this flippin' interview DONE! I'm ridiculous. The point behind this whole entry was to show everyone that you never know about people's past. This lady...if you saw her in the street, you'd never know. She carries herself well. I think that we all need to take a step back and reassess the situation at hand. With bigger people [myself included] people kind of assume we're miserable. I don't know, I'm not. People constantly push their opinions on what I should do about my horrible weight. Whatever. I say whatevs because I know who I am. I do. I'm 21, and a college student. The world is at my fingertips. Sooooo, yeah. And I'm sorry that it took weeks to finish this up. I'm a hot mess.

♥♥♥ you!

Rachel!

#57 I'm baaaack.

Whot?!

Wooooaaah,

So I was reading Real Simple, and they have some very fab recipes I want to try out. Since, I have my apt and all...yep.
Dips and such. I'm still working on getting Internet at home! Gomenosai. ^___^;;

I just have to work, work, work so I can! It so helps that I know someone at church who hooks up cable.
Gotta go!
♥,
Rachel

PS: These short entries aren't cutting it. =/ I know that already!

Ack, ack, ack!

Gomen!

I'm so sorry!! I suck at updating!! Well, if I had internet maybe. T___T I'm in the process of working so I CAN get internet at my a-p-t. I think that will help tremendously. v_v






Again, sorry!!







We're on the phones now at work, and I was so so nervous! Hopefully, today will be different. They say it will, and I have God on my side.







Look at this!!

The. Coolest. Thing. Ever. :D
Work soon!

♥,

Rachel!

#56: What do you get out of these anyway?

Peekaboo, I Seize You.

Well, hey.

No internet at the apartment. My first two weeks at my new job is done today! To-day. I am so excited!! Twin Atlantic's new album is out as well! Double yes!! I just am so pumped for that. I need to get it. o_o Anyways, so my life has been going and going and going. I wish I could just get on my comp whenever I want [well, to blog not just...turning it on], but I need the funds to pay for 'netz, buns. Ha, anyway. I'm thinking about submitting a photo of myself to this site. It's about chubby fashion and I've been getting really into dressing nicely and finding my personal style. It's a cross between punk/sweet/weird/etc. I don't know.

Work is good. It feels good to earn money. I have trouble just taking money without any reason for it. It's such a blessing, but I don't know. That independent streak comes in. Oh. I think it's pride. Eek, I need to stop that. Let's go get lost right here in the USA. :) RHCP forevs.

I have summer classes, but then I DON'T have summer classes. They start in August...? No idea there, but I need to pay for them soon. I'm at the comm college here. X3 Whoops.

Let's see, kind of nervy about rent and expenses, etc. My parents have been so gracious. The Lord has blessed me with them and here recently, my dad has been coming into the picture. He paid down for a car, paying for gas, and now other stuff like my rent. I wish I could get over my humps. My lovely--no, I mean I am. God is showing me that he isn't a pompous jerk. Not now. He's a lonely old man who has kids who over half of us don't care to know him at all. The ghosts of his past are haunting him hxc. It's eerie, but God save him. Srrsly. My friend who has turned his life around is doing really well with the BSes and all and I'm so proud of him! I just know that he will be a great man of God/saint/cool guy. :D It's there; I see it and he likes that he is more positive. He told me, "I'm glad to have a friend like you." Awww, that is so so nice & sweet. :') Just made my heart melt with friendship love!! I'm glad I can be a good influence in his life and be an example of a good Christian. +2!

On a darker note, I was talking to PRJ, and he said that one of my favorite bands might have a dark secret. The lead singer, might be a Satanist. So sad. I mean, I just---inside, I shut down. I can honestly say that I love this band. The music. It literally crushed me. The singer doesn't talk or ever speak about his beliefs in their music, but to me his personal life is going to come out in his lyrics. No matter what. I have not even talked about this with any of my friends. I just hid it away. I was in denial and I fee like I'm in limbo on what to do.

What next?

:( Ack, I have to blame myself partly. I knew something like this would happen. When I first got into music, I remember praying for God to slowly ween me off of it. Until I didn't need it anymore, because I was guilty for liking secular music. I prayed so sincerely that day and all the other days following until I forgot the prayer, the thought. Now, knowing what I know, I wonder if God still honors that prayer. I know He has listens to me pray to Him and my heart's ultimate desire. I just don't know if this is testament to it. If so, God is radical!

2 hours to finish this blog. Ridiculous. This week is going to be better.

♥,
me!

PS: Guess who is calling me? -pulls lip-

#55: I'm not alright.

The Killings Are Georgous.

Oh, Wow! :D

O, What Better Way To Be A Punk In May!

What's up, guise?!

:)

Monday.

Take it back.





I told you I'd do it! Monday's outfit. I was going to use the internet at the library. :)





Sans jacket.

Happy Rachel.


Today is going good. I keep waking up at like 7:58. In the morning. I. Don't. Want. To. D: Ugh.

This is my first picture in my new place. I love it, I sincerely do. I want to be able to afford it, but I know God is able. I've gotten this far. I so know He is there guiding me. This was not a coincidence. Right now, I'm sharing the table with another lady. Kinda awk. I keep looking at her out of the corner of my eye. Whoops! No homo.

I need to repaint my fingernails. They look haggard. The water in SA is terrible on my skin. I'm still not used to it. It's really harsh and drying on my skin. My nails/nail beds look so bad at the moment. Plus, I have hxc hangnails. :'(

What I'm wearing:

shoes// kitty kat by Em & Sprout
These shoes are so adorable and comfy. :3

tights// 2x black tights from Cato
I bought them a long time ago, and I usually buy a 3x, but I really was in a stretch so I bought these instead, stretched them out before I wore them for the first time and they have lasted a long time.

skirt// plaid number by Torrid
I bought this a few months ago on major clearance and it fit! Signs that I've made progress. It's a size under what I wear.

shirt// Tegan & Sara heart shirt by Tegan & Sara
This is my first T&S shirt I bought from their website. It's really old. I love it, thought. The heart shape makes me want to wear it everyday. :)

jacket// Moto jacket by Avenue
My dream jacket. I love asymmetrical jackets! I couldn't find the right one, but that's about what it looks like.

That was fun! Hopefully I can remember to do more in the future!

♥ + kisses,
Rachel!

#54: I'll be fine once I get it.